Change My World
by OctoberJune
Summary: After a night between the sheets, can two complete strangers deal with the consequences of their irresponsibility? Meredith/Derek. Rated M for first chapter a couple later on.
1. When I Moved in You

**I wrote this story about a year and a half ago and finished it close to a year ago. There are 22 chapters in total and I will attempt to update at least once a day, I promise. I hope you all enjoy this story because I loved writing it. I am rating it M for primarily this first chapter and a couple in the future, so read at your own risk. This first update is purely smut, but it does set up the rest of the story. **

***Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters created in the show -- they are owned by Shonda Rhimes & Company. I write fanfiction purely for entertainment value.***

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**Chapter One: When I Moved in You**

The dim lights of the bar cast a soft glow to her skin. The green, neon sign to her left caught the single rhinestone on her shoe, casting a light to reflect onto the wall. Her skin was aglow, her eyes sparkling in amusement as she spoke to the jovial bartender. Her slender fingers held a shot glass between them, two empty glasses cast off to the right. The deep plum colored dress that adorned her body pooled over her slim thighs and dipped to show the swells of her breasts. She had no intention on turning heads or grabbing the attention from the men around her, but heads turned and attention was grabbed. The beauty of this young woman was not entirely outward, but also inward. There was immense beauty in her nativity of her looks. The warm smile on her lips lit up her sparkling eyes more, causing gentle creases by them. She toasted her shot to the bartender and placed the edge to her pink lips. Tequila, straight up. She didn't flinch as the amber liquid coated her throat. The bartender was already pouring another.

"I've never seen you here before." He smiled, sliding the glass into her fingers. She returned his smile, raising the fourth shot to him. He chuckled. "Since I'm sure you'll be here for much of the night, I'm Joe." He greeted her.

The woman giggled, and pushed the glass to clink against the others. "Meredith."

"Well Meredith…" He paused. "What has you drinking tonight?" He picked up another shot glass, and she just nodded.

Meredith took the glass, eyeing it carefully. She looked up at Joe. "I'm celebrating."

"Alone?"

"I'm not alone. You're here." She lifted her glass and threw back another.

Joe laughed, resting his hands on the edge of the bar. He opened his mouth to say something, but someone further down the bar yelled to him, holding up an empty beer glass. Joe shrugged and gave Meredith a slight smile before walking down the bar, talking animatedly to the patron.

Meredith fingered her fifth empty shot glass, her finger dipping in to touch reminisce of tequila. She brought her finger to her mouth, sucking the liquor from her skin. The stool to her right shifted, a waft of aftershave stinging her nose. She did not even glance over. The man was leaning partially on the bar, while seated; his left hand resting on the back of her chair. Meredith could feel his breath close to her.

"You are beautiful." His liquor-soaked breath whispered.

Meredith glanced over and quirked her eyebrow, not interested in the slightest in this man. His light, straight hair and deep brown eyes did nothing to appease her. She turned away, glancing down the bar, looking for salvation. If only Joe would come back…

"Can I buy you a drink?" His fingers moved to play with her hair.

She swatted his hand away, and pulled back. "No."

"And why not?"

A man, out of the corner of her eye, caught her attention. He was walking right down the bar, in her direction, his eyes focused on something or someone near the furthest wall. She reached out and grabbed his arm, just as he passed. The man practically jumped back, looking down at the young woman. She draped his arm around her shoulders, pulling him to her side so she could wrap her arm around his lean waist.

"My boyfriend would hate if I had a drink with you. Right baby?" She asked sweetly, looking up at the still stunned man. She glared at him, telling him to play along.

He cleared his throat and nodded, pulling her closer. "Yes, I would be very…angry." He stressed the last word, glaring at the fair-haired man.

"I didn't know you were here with someone." He seemed nervous, trying not to look at the other man as he pulled Meredith even closer to him, stroking her bare arm. He stood up at that moment, standing a few inches shorter than the dark haired man. He swallowed and muttered an apology before walking off, back to a table of already drunk college boys.

Meredith smiled and turned to the man who was still touching her. "Thank you so much." He pulled his arm from her shoulders, and stepped back to give her her space. He nodded. "I couldn't think of anything else, and I saw you coming…" She shrugged.

The skin by his blue eyes crinkled as he smiled. "No problem."

Meredith smiled once more, and turned back to her empty shots. She glanced down the bar, needing Joe at this moment to pour her another shot. She contemplated reaching across the bar and grabbing the bottle, but decided against it. She didn't even realize the man that had "saved" her was still behind her.

"I love being used by women."

"What?" She asked in shock, turning around. "I didn't use you."

He leaned against the bar. "You kinda did." His body was dangerously close to her legs, the smile from before still illuminating his face. "What else would you call it?"

"I asked for your help."

He shook his head. "Actually, you grabbed for my help."

"You didn't complain." She shot him an angry look, her irritability rising.

"Why would I complain?" He smirked.

She glared at him, her arms crossed over her chest. "Why are you smiling?"

"Let me buy you a drink."

"Seriously? I just got rid of that guy because I didn't want him to buy me a drink."

He smiled. "Yes, you did. But you didn't want him to buy you a drink, but I'm almost positive that you want me to buy you a drink."

Meredith turned away from him. "You're an ass."

"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked.

She looked over at him. He had softness in his face she hadn't noticed before. His eyes glimmered in amusement, his lips upturned. He was older, experienced, more experienced than she. But there was something, something else she couldn't read. She expelled a breath, not able to believe she was doing this.

"Fine. But I'm not going home with you."

He sat down next to her and motioned down the bar to Joe, before turning back to her and smiling. "I never said I wanted you to."

"Meredith." She said, holding her hand out to him.

He took her hand and shook it softly. "Derek."

**---**

Her back made sudden contact with the cold outer wall of her house, expel of breath passing her slightly parted lips. His lips were suctioned to her neck, leaving small, red circles. His hands held firmly to her hips, pulling her tightly against him. Meredith moaned; her skin erupted in goose bumps. She closed her eyes. They shouldn't be outside. Anyone could see, but in that moment she didn't care, she couldn't care when his mouth and hands were doing what they were doing to her. Derek's hands moved up her stomach, brushing past her breasts and gently pulling down the left side of her dress. More skin of her chest was exposed, and his lips moved down, dipping towards her still covered, but fully erect nipple.

"Door." She groaned, running her hands through his dark curls.

He only grunted in reply, reaching behind her to grab the door knob. "Locked." He whispered against the skin of her chest, moving up slowly to take her lips as his.

Meredith gasped, her lips already swollen from the kisses in the cab ride over. But this kiss was deeper than the previous one. His tongue moved over hers, massaging her softly. Her eyes opened for a moment, and then fluttered closed. She ran her hands along his sides and around his back, tugging the material from the waistband of his pants. Derek's hand moved up, cupping her left breast through the material of her dress. Meredith rolled her hips against him, making him pull back and groan, massage her breast harder.

She reached into her purse, grabbing her keys before dropping her purse. She turned away from him, trying to slip the key into the lock. Derek came up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her waist, his hands moving up her stomach to both of her breasts. Meredith rolled her head back and moaned, closing her eyes. "Open the door." He whispered into her ear. Chills ran along her skin as she turned the key, finally pushing the heavy door in.

Derek pushed her gently over the threshold. "My purse…" She reached over his shoulder in an attempt to grab the fallen accessory.

"Forget it." He groaned, kicking the door shut.

Meredith's dress was gone faster than she could imagine, and she swore she heard it tear from her body. But she didn't care, because the second her dress was gone, he was on his knees before her, his lips moving across her slim thighs. She pressed her back to the wall, her fingers running through his hair, tugging on it gently. "Oh god Derek…" She whispered, feeling his breath against her already heated core. He looked up at her, just as he pressed a kiss to the small, round spot on her panties. Her knees shook and she groaned, rolling her head back. Derek hooked his fingers in her panties, tugging them down slowly, revealing her completely to his eyes.

His lips moved painfully slowly across her thigh. He held firmly to her ass, pulling her core to his mouth. Meredith's knees instinctively closed for a moment, and then spread as his tongue moved along her. She looked down at him, her eyes nearly closed. His tongue moved precisely through her folds, touching every inch of her, tasting her. Meredith shook softly.

Moments slipped away as his tongue probed her. She gasped and panted, trying to keep her heavy breathing in check, but she couldn't control it. Her hips involuntarily thrust forward, catching him off guard, but not changing his rhythm. Meredith whimpered, feeling her body bubbling with pleasure. It had been so long since she had felt this level of pleasure.

"Derek…" She whispered again, reaching out to grab the side table near the front door, her knuckles turning white. Her hips shifted again, her muscles tensing, she knew she was close. But his contact left her. She opened her eyes, frustrated from not being allowed to release. She looked up at him as he rose and began stripping off his clothes.

Her eyes followed his strong hands as he peeled each layer off. His shirt, button by button, he undid it, until his chest was visible. He pulled the shirt completely away, tossing it to the floor. Meredith realized her nudity and suddenly felt self-conscious. But Derek simply smirked at her, making her heart race, and she was no longer self-conscious. His hands moved to his belt buckle, which he undid painfully slow, next moving to the button on his pants, and then the zipper. She stared at his groin as he shed the last bit of clothes, exposing himself. She blushed, feeling like a voyeur watching him. He took a few steps forward, pulling Meredith's eyes up to his face, where he smirked at her.

His hand took hers, pulling her firmly to his body. Meredith gasped at the skin to skin contact, and her head spun from tequila and the smell of sex. Derek's lips met hers deeply; kissing her with so much force that her back hit the wall, which only seemed to turn her on further. His hands moved over her curves and around to her ass. He began to lift her. Meredith wrapped her legs around his back, her heels digging into him as he pressed her back to the wall.

Derek's lips moved down her jaw, to her neck, dipping lower to the skin of her chest. Meredith sighed contently. His lips caught her left nipple in his mouth, and he slowly rolled his tongue over the redden nub. "Oh god…" She gasped rolling her hips against his erection. He groaned into her skin in appreciation. "Please…" She whispered her eyes closed in pleasure.

"What?" He asked, moving his lips to her earlobe, tugging on it tenderly. He rubbed deeper against her, feeling her warmth coating him. "What do you want Meredith?" He whispered, his hands moving up and down her back.

"Oh god…" She moaned, holding onto his shoulders deeply. "I need you…to fuck me."

He grinned, leaning in to kiss her as he positioned himself against her. Meredith kissed him, running her tongue along his tongue, groaning into his mouth. Derek slipped himself into her, spreading her inch by inch. Meredith pulled away, unable to breathe as she felt him within her. Her legs tightened around his waist, her muscles flexing. Derek groaned, his left hand wrapped around her waist, his right running through her hair. Their eyes met and locked as he fully pushed his way inside her. She let out a deep breath, leaning forward to kiss him softly, their eyes remaining open. Derek began to move.

The sensual moment was broken when he first thrust into her. Meredith's head rolled back and she whimpered softly, Derek's lips sucking on her skin. His movements were precise, formulated, making each stroke feel deeper than the last. Her head spun, her skin breaking out in a sheen sweat, her hair sticking to her neck. Derek grunted, his thumbs digging into her hips. Meredith moved her hips along him, moaning into his ear.

He moved then, walking them, still joined together, to the couch in the next room. He laid her down, Meredith not willing to let him go yet. Derek leaned down, pressing his lips to hers, the shadows from outside illuminating their bodies. His hips trust forward, moving deeper into her. Meredith rolled her head back, holding onto him. "Derek. Derek…." She panted.

"Oh god…Meredith…" He groaned, leaning his forehead against her chest as he moved deeper and harder within her. They had sex like they had known each other for years, feeling their favorite parts of each other's skin, their eyes locked.

Meredith arched up against him, whimpering. She knew he was close.

Derek leaned close to her ear, kissing the side of her face. "Come for me Meredith." He whispered hotly, causing her skin to rise in goose bumps. "Come, Meredith." He commanded her.

Meredith called out, her body shaking. Derek moved his fingers to her core, rubbing her clit quickly. Her eyes went wide, and then shut quickly as she shook from head to toe, her toes curling. "Oh god! Derek…Derek…" She screamed.

"Meredith…" He groaned, thrusting hard into her a few more times, releasing.

"Oh god…" She moaned along with him, feeling him release in her, triggering her own orgasm.


	2. Wake Me to the Morning After

**Thank you for all your comments -- I am humbled by your kind words and encouragement to continue. And continue I shall...**

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**Chapter Two: Wake Me to the Morning After**

Meredith stood over his still slumbering form, her red bathrobe pulled tightly around her body, a cup of steaming coffee in her left hand. She furrowed her brow, trying not to glance down his body, as the small throw that was meant to cover him was barely doing as such. She sighed softly and sipped the hot beverage, before lifting her foot ever so slightly, just to nudge his arm. He grumbled, and turned, his hair in disarray. His eyes moved slowly up the line of her toned legs, passing all the areas he had touched the night before, before falling on her gentle face. He grinned wide, and turned his body, causing the throw to shift even more.

"Good morning," he smirked.

"Morning." She smiled back politely. "So uh, I have work soon…"

He groaned, looking over to the window, trying to decipher what time it was. "What the hell time is it?" He asked, searching the floor for his cell phone.

"It's almost six-thirty."

"Why don't we go upstairs and we can re-enact last night?" He winked.

Meredith laughed softly and shook her head. "I think that'll be a no."

He began to stand up, the throw falling from his body. Meredith's cheeks reddened and she turned from him, even though she had seen everything last night. Derek smirked, watching her reaction as he reached for his boxers. He pulled them on before moving closer to her, standing in her view.

"But we had fun last night." He said softly, still smiling.

Meredith turned her face dangerously close to his. She smirked back, and shook her head, trying to remain unfazed by how good he smelled and how good he had felt. "I think what happened last night, should stay in what happened last night."

"One last hurrah?"

She shook her head no. "I have to go to work."

He smiled and laughed. "Okay." He turned and grabbed his clothes, pulling them on and realizing her eyes were intently watching him. He walked back over to her, where she was still standing, waiting for him. "So…I'll see you, Meredith."

She nodded. "Bye Derek."

**---**

"Where were you?" Izzie whispered loudly as Meredith approached.

Meredith was tucking her polo shirt into her pair of khaki pants, her hair already pulled back from her face. "Sorry I'm late. Did Charlie notice?"

"No, but he will soon. You should go punch in."

The Cambridge Golf Club was the finest country club in all of Massachusetts, if not the nicest in New England. Most of the members were of high social standing, doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, or professors. Meredith and Izzie had applied together after Izzie's father, a partner in a law firm in Boston, recommended the young women. Meredith enjoyed her job, but did mind having to be up at six o'clock every morning just to make it to work by seven. She was already fifteen minutes late today, which always made her boss infuriated. The women worked in the pro-shop, where the members and their guests could purchase new golf clubs, shirts, hats, and other apparel. Plus, they could sign up for tee times. Their job was to see to it that the members teed off at the right time and their golf carts were well stocked.

Meredith walked into the backroom, slipping her time card into the punch-in clock. She checked her appearance in the mirror and quickly walked back outside. It was already seventy degrees and it was bound to get even hotter.

"Hello Meredith." A white haired woman waved to her, a green visor covering most of her face from the sun.

"Good morning Mrs. Lewis." She waved back. "How are you today?"

The woman smiled brightly. "I'm doing well."

"That's good to hear. Will Mr. Lewis be in today?" She asked politely.

Mrs. Lewis shook her head. "No dear. He hurt his knee last night. He's not allowed to golf for at least a week, if not more."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that! Give him my best."

"Of course dear."

Meredith passed a few other members, calling a few hellos and throwing out a few comments on the weather. Izzie was handing out bottles of water, and greeting the members. They always tipped well early in the morning, so the girls were extra polite. When she noticed Meredith, she set the rest of the bottles back into the cooler, and walked over to where she stood under the shade of the pro-shop.

"So, why were you late?"

"I slept in."

Izzie eyed her curiously. Meredith turned away, watching as a foursome began to tee off. She could still feel Izzie's eyes on her. "Oh my god," Izzie whispered, but not so quietly. "Is that a hickey?" She pointed to Meredith's neck.

"What?" She covered her neck, staring at Izzie.

"Where did you get a hickey from?" She practically yelled.

"Shh…" Meredith whispered. "Don't scream it!"

Izzie pulled Meredith by the arm, around the building, to where the garbage dumpsters were. "Did you go home with someone last night? Is that why you didn't come to Alex's party?"

Meredith sighed, trying to cover the hickey still. "I went to that bar across the street from the hospital."

"Why?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I just…I passed it and I really wanted to go in."

"And you went home with someone?"

She shook her head no. "He came home with me."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Was George there?"

"I don't know. I hope not." Meredith made a face.

Izzie stood for a moment, lying against the wall. She shook her head. "I can't believe you got drunk and got laid last night." Meredith nodded, also leaning against the wall. "Was he good?"

Meredith smiled and nodded.

"Good looking?"

She nodded even more.

"You're a bitch."

**---**

"So she got laid, big deal." Cristina shrugged, bending over the pool table and hitting the white cue ball into the red three, sinking it into the corner pocket, the very same pocket she had called a minute before. "How loud could she actually be?"

George groaned, taking a long sip of his beer. "You know at a baseball game, when everyone cheers because the favorite player hits a grand slam? And I mean thirty-thousand people…"

"Shut up O'Malley. She couldn't be that loud." Alex shook his head, taking his place at the table.

"Louder."

"Wow, I'm impressed." Cristina laughed. "She hasn't had sex in like four months. Lots of pent up sexual tension I assume."

"Yeah well it was released last night." George muttered.

The bell over the door rang as Izzie and Meredith walked in together. They no longer wore their binding work attire, and had changed into the comfort of their own clothes. Izzie was laughing at something Meredith said, and she was smiling along. They stopped briefly at the bar, both ordering a beer, before walking to their friends' table.

"Hey guys." Izzie greeted, taking her place next to Alex. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and pressed a kiss to her lips.

Cristina nodded to Izzie, before turning to Meredith. "So, we all heard that you had some pretty amazing sex last night."

Meredith choked on a mouthful of beer, her eyes going wide. She glanced over at Izzie, who was giggling softly. "Uh…"

"Don't deny it. George heard you."

"All night…" He groaned.

"You were home?" She asked, laying her palm on her forehead, closing her eyes.

Cristina took a swig of her drink. "Now, don't be shy, give us all the details."

Meredith glared.

"You have to give us details." Alex grinned. "You missed my graduation party. I think I deserve a few details." He winked.

Izzie rolled her eyes.

"No one is getting details."

"His name is Derek." George chimed in. Everyone turned to him. "She was screaming it all night." He rolled his eyes.

Cristina raised her eyebrows, "So Derek, huh?"

"Don't you people have anything else to talk about?"

They glanced at one another, before turning back to Meredith. "No." They answered at once.

"So give us details." Cristina smiled.

**---**

Meredith dragged herself up the front steps of her mother's summer home. She had been conveniently crashing there for the last four years, since her admittance to Harvard University School of Medicine as a pre-med student. Ellis was too busy running the world, or so she thought, as she ran the toughest surgical program in the country – at Seattle Grace Hospital in Seattle, Washington. It had been years since Ellis had the time to visit Massachusetts, let alone her own daughter. So Meredith moved in, with a few peers who quickly became friends – Izzie and George. But since her rather…Loud encounter the night before, George had decided to stay at a "friend's" house, who he wouldn't disclose the name of, and Izzie was staying at Alex's like she did most nights.

The house was dark – eerily dark. She usually liked coming home to an empty house – it meant she could watch what she wanted, eat what she wanted, and stay up without interruptions. But this night, she just wished someone was inside waiting for her arrival.

She unlocked the door and passed the threshold, kicking the door shut behind her. Meredith flicked on the foyer lights, as well as the lights for the hallway. She walked quietly through the room, kicking off her shoes and dropping her bag by the front door. Quiet, she thought.

Meredith made her way into the kitchen. Izzie hadn't been in the house in almost a week, so there was no food – since she was the only one that really cared about a well-balanced diet. Meredith opened a cabinet and pulled out a bag of microwave popcorn – it was better than nothing. She settled in, lounging out on the couch. The three beers she had drunk were long gone from her system and she was ready to just – rest.

But a brisk knock on the door pulled her from her comfort zone. Meredith groaned and pulled herself from the slightly uncomfortable cushions. The shadow on the other side of the door was tall, but she couldn't see beyond that – it was much to dark. Meredith pulled open the door, hoping to not be murdered. But what murderer really knocked?

Once she opened the door, she only wished it had been a murderer. Instead Derek, the one night stand from the night before, stood on the other side – a grin tugging across his lips.

"What are you doing here?" She didn't even try to hide her disgust.

He chuckled. "I forgot my cell phone. I need it if I'm planning on calling you."

"You will _not _be calling me," she groaned. "But you can come in to get your phone, and then leave instantly afterward." She stepped aside, allowing Derek to pass. Unfortunately, he smelled just as he had the night before.

Derek glanced around the house and walked right to the living room, a smug grin on his face. "Now _this_ room I remember…" He glanced over his shoulder at Meredith, throwing her a wink. She rolled her eyes, leaning against the entrance to the room, a glare on her face. Derek found his cell phone easily – Meredith thought a little too easily, as if he had purposely left it there. She rolled her eyes. "Now that I have that, I'm just missing something."

"What now?" she insisted.

He lifted her hand from where it was crossed beneath her breasts and turned it over, palm side up. He deposited his phone into her hand. "Your number," he whispered.

She glared at him, "You do understand that this was a one night's stand, right? You don't exchange numbers – it's a rule."

"I'm not one for following the rules. Your number, please."

"Fine," she grumbled, quickly entering her cell phone number, before shoving the phone back into his hand. "Now, you can leave."

He chuckled, his fingers lingering on her hand, before she snapped away. "Don't you want my number?"

"No. Now, leave."

Derek smiled softly, leaning into her. "You're trying to be hard to get; I got it." He winked and turned brushed past her, walking towards the door. Meredith turned, trying to talk herself into the fact that she was just watching him to make sure he left and not that she wanted to well…Watch him. "I'll see you around, Meredith."


	3. Sick of Being Sick

**I apologize for the late delivery of this update. I had a rough few days after having found out some devastating news about a close friend. I am trying to move forward and continue with my everyday life, which involves updating this story. Thank you for your comments and patience with the latest chapter. I do hope you enjoy it.**

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**Chapter Three: Sick of Being Sick**

"Meredith?" she heard called from downstairs. Izzie was home.

She lays in bed, unable to move. It had been two days since she started to feel sick and nothing was wearing down the nausea. Though she loved being alone, Meredith wished that someone would come and bring her ginger ale and saltines when she asked. Thankfully, things like illness were right up Izzie's alley.

Izzie opened the door, a wide, hopeful grin on her face. "Hi Mer, how are you?" she asked quickly, setting down her purse, but carrying in a white grocery store bag.

"I'm fine," Meredith nodded.

"I just got back from George's parent's place…" she sat down on the bed, facing Meredith, pulling the plastic bag onto her lap. "George is just as sick as you. His mom told me that the stomach flu is going around." She pulled out a bottle of ginger ale and a box of saltines. Meredith smiled, just what she wanted.

"Poor George…I must have gotten him sick."

Izzie shrugged, "Lucky I'm never here or I would be too." Izzie handed Meredith the box of saltines while she opened the bottle of ginger ale. Meredith carefully bit off a corner of one of the crackers before taking a slight slip on the bubbly liquid. "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks Iz," Meredith smiled.

"Okay, so down to business…" Izzie smiled – the kind of smile that Meredith feared. "Next week, one of Alex's fraternity brothers is coming into town…"

"No," Meredith said without a moment's pause.

Izzie groaned, "Mer, come on!"

"Absolutely not! You know I'm not dating."

"Yes, but you'll go home with a guy you just met…" she rolled her eyes.

Meredith sighed, "That was over a month ago and nothing is going on with that."

"Exactly Meredith – which is why you need to date again," she beamed.

"Izzie – I'm sick and tired and I feel like I might puke again. Can we please talk about this when I am not feeling like death is immanent?"

"Fine, but you are _so_ dramatic," she stood up, leaving behind the stomach calming presents.

She shrugged, "Thank you Izzie for coming over here."

"No problem," she smiled. "I'm going to go before I get sick. Call me if you need anything."

Meredith simply nodded, watching as Izzie left the room, pulling the door softly behind her. She listened as Izzie's feet retreated and then the door slamming shut. The house was quiet again. She leaned back, feeling the fizzing of the bubbles in her stomach, and she was up. The nausea hit her once more as she leaned over the porcelain bowl, hugging it tightly. This sickness was not going away.

**---**

Two days past and finally Meredith felt better. The waves of nauseam from the last four days had past, just as they had for George – or so he said when he stopped by earlier that day. But just to be safe, Meredith did not go to work that morning – she of course did not want to get the members sick, or so she told herself.

Meredith contemplated going for a walk, but her presence in this town was slightly frowned upon. Yes, her mother had money, but Ellis left Cambridge years before, leaving the house to Meredith and her roommates – her and her very poor roommates. They didn't own fancy cars or clothes and they rarely took care of the yard. So Meredith decided to stay in – the last thing she needed was a death glare from a rich sixteen year old driving a Cadillac.

Boredom set in just as these thoughts move through her mind. It was only nine in the morning and she had nothing to do. Meredith thought about calling Izzie, but she was working – as was Alex and George. Cristina, of course, never answered her damn phone. Meredith groaned in frustration.

She dragged herself up the stairs to her room – knowing exactly what she was going to do. She knew she was just throwing salt into a wound, a wound that had supposedly "healed" a mere few weeks before. Meredith shut her door – the last thing she needed was one of her friends finding her staring at the items from the past. She pulled the thin envelope from beneath her mattress and set it on her bed. Meredith stepped back.

She could see each letter…Each note…Each promise. She shook her head. She was ready.

**You know, you're very pretty when you frown.**

Meredith sighed.

**You're beautiful. Have dinner with me tonight Meredith, please.**

She tossed that one aside.

**Meredith,**

**Last night was…Incredible. I wish I could say it another way. Meredith Grey, I think I am falling for you and falling hard.**

**Forever, Seth**

She bit her bottom lip.

**I am in love with you, forever.**

And the last one…the one she, dreaded.

**Dear Meredith,**

**I don't know where to begin. The last years have been the best of my life. I wish that I didn't have to say all of this in a letter but I'm too much of a coward to talk to you face to face…So I'm just going to say this and hope you eventually forgive me.**

**Last night, after you left, I went out to drink with Mike and the guys. We drank too much. There was a woman, she meant NOTHING to me Meredith, I swear. I love you and you only, please remember that! **

**I took her home and she spent the night.**

**I'm so incredibly sorry Meredith. I love you, forever. But now, I don't know. I shouldn't have let it happen, but it scared me that it did. I need to figure things out. Please, please forgive me. I'll stay in contact Meredith.**

**I love you.**

**Love always, Seth**

Meredith tore the piece of paper to shreds, allowing it to tumble to the ground forming a small, white pyramid on the wooden floor. Six weeks ago he left – not that she was keeping track. She was over it…God she prayed that she was over it, over him. He was not going to call; time to move on.

The nauseam slipped back in, churning her stomach. Meredith lay down, kicking the notes away. She was sick of feeling sick…


	4. I Hope You'll Find a Way to the Truth

**Short chapter, but later chapters will be longer. Thank you for the reviews -- they're wonderful.**

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**Chapter Four: I Hope You'll Find a Way to See the Truth**

"Meredith…I really think its mono," Izzie speculated while leaning back in her office chair. She licked at the back of her spoon that had the remnants of strawberry yogurt on it.

It was eleven – lunchtime – and once again, Meredith wasn't eating. Her head was resting against the cool metal of the table in the back office of the pro-shop. She lifted her head for a moment to glare at Izzie before laying it back down. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"You're always tired and you never eat. Its mono," she said, convincing herself.

"It is not mono," she grumbled.

Izzie tossed the empty cup of yogurt into the garbage. "Yeah, then what is it?"

Meredith shrugged and shook her head. "I'm thinking death…"

"You're so dramatic," she stood up. "I say, go to the doctor."

"Ugh," Meredith groaned.

"Remember when George was sick like two weeks ago?" Meredith nodded. "He went to the doctor and he had some stomach thing."

"Stomach thing?" Meredith questioned. "Wow, you'll be a great doctor."

Izzie rolled her eyes, "Oh shut it. Anyway, maybe you have a stomach thing."

"Izzie, if it'll make you happy…I'll go to the freaking doctor. Now please, let me wallow in self pity for a few more minutes."

"Whatever," Izzie walked to the door. "Better get back soon though – Charlie's like five seconds from firing you." She claimed, walking out of the back room and back to work.

Meredith groaned, pulling herself up from the coolness of the table. The fatigue was almost immeasurable, but she pushed past it. It had been two weeks since she first felt sick and she had yet to feel better. At first, she blamed the letters from Seth…the reminder of events that happened…but more recently she feared it was something else. Maybe she did have a stomach _thing_ like George did. She lifted up her cell phone – it was time to visit the doctor.

**---**

Doctors' offices were always the same. You'd think with Meredith's disdain of doctors' offices would steer her away from becoming one herself – a doctor that is. She sat absently staring at a pile of magazines before her. She contemplated picking one up, but knew it would not hold her interest for long. A man to her left groaned, clutching his arm. Meredith glanced over. He was staring at her. This was another reason why she hated doctors' offices, sick people. Maybe the doctor thing was overrated.

"Meredith Grey?" a nurse called from the open doorway.

She sighed and relief and followed the nurse down the long hallway to the empty examining room at the end of the hallway. Meredith simply nodded after the nurse explained the doctor would be with her in a few moments. Another wave of nausea hit her. Meredith doubled over, attempting to make the feeling pass.

It must have been fifteen minutes since she initially entered the room and she heard no noise, no sign of anyone coming to save her from her boredom. Meredith read each of the posters on the wall, reading complications and side effects of different common drugs. Her eyes moved over the instruments that lined the pristine counter…None of them even resembled the kinds of instruments she would be holding one day.

The door finally opened, revealing a young looking doctor.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Grey," she greeted.

Meredith smiled, "Hi."

"I'm Doctor Lutz and I'll be examining you today."

Meredith just nodded.

The doctor read over her chart, taking a few notes. "So you are complaining of intervals of nausea, fatigue and lack of appetite, is that correct?" She asked, flipping through the chart.

"Yes," she said simply.

"For how long have you been feeling these symptoms?"

Meredith paused, "Two weeks, or so."

Doctor Lutz set down the chart and turned to Meredith, beginning the examination. Meredith sighed, allowing the doctor to do what she had to do. Her blood pressure was taken, her eyes and ears were checked and her heartbeat was listened to. Meredith lay back on the examining table. Doctor Lutz pressed against Meredith's stomach, pulling her eyebrows together in a thoughtful manner.

"Meredith, have you been to your gynecologist lately?"

"Uh, no…" she stared up at the doctor. "Should I have?"

The doctor walked away, picking up the chart.

"Dr. Lutz?" Meredith questioned, sitting up.

She smiled nicely to Meredith, trying to calm her. "Meredith, I'm not an OBGYN, but I think that you might be pregnant…"

**---**

Meredith found herself curled inside the bathtub, her knees pulled to her chest, her eyes focused on the water spout in front of her. She was fully clothed, her arms wrapped around her shaking knees. Meredith could feel the warm water washing over the lower half of her body, slowly filling up the tub – in no time it would overflow.

The thin, plastic test rested on the edge of the sink, its answer clearly visible. Meredith had been…Terrified to touch it, to look at it. But as the stick revealed its answer, the world around, the world she knew, crashed to the ground in a million small, glass fragments.

The door downstairs pulled open and slammed shut. Someone was downstairs, probably Izzie. Meredith sighed softly, allowing her eyes to fall closed. A stomping of feet and then a swift knock at her bedroom did nothing to pull her from her ravine. Her bedroom door shut and in no time, Izzie was leaning against the frame of Meredith's door.

"What are you doing?"

She obviously looked very stupid sitting in a nearly full bathtub, bubbles and all, in her clothes.

"Meredith…?" she questioned.

Meredith didn't even turn.

Izzie walked into the room and picked up the test.

"What is this?" she whispered.

Meredith laughed to herself, still staring at the spout. "It's a pregnancy test."

"Oh god…" she whispered.

Meredith finally looked up, reached forward and turned off the water. She stood up in the bathtub, her clothes completely saturated with water. Her eyes were raw looking, but not from tears, from the lack of tears. She rested her hands low on her stomach, glaring down. "Yeah, I'm pregnant," she said simply.


	5. I Can Make it Go Away

**Thank you for your comments. I promise Derek will be making another appearance soon in this fic, but for now, Meredith needs to work through the predicament she has found herself in. I hope you continue enjoying this fic -- I enjoyed writing it.

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**Chapter Five: I Can Make it Go Away**

"So, what are you going to do?"

Meredith shook her head.

There they sat: one pregnant girl, barely able to keep her own life on track, let alone someone else's, and her four friends, Cristina, Izzie, George, and Alex. Five untouched cups of coffee rested on the cast-iron table top, the sun shining down onto them. Their hands, all ten between the five of them, were clasped in their own laps. Meredith knew they would be concerned, but they were all freaking out…they were, scared. It was oddly comforting.

"Is it that guy's?" Alex asked.

"Derek…" Meredith confirmed.

"Have you…" Izzie began, "I mean, do you even talk to him?"

Meredith shook her head, "No."

"Meredith, what are you going to do?" George asked, glancing at everyone else.

"I don't know," she said in a defeated tone.

"You should probably consider your options," he suggested.

She laughed bitterly. "My options? And what options would those be?" She practically yelled – her attention moving to each one of her friends. "I'm twenty-two years old…Twenty-two." She whispered frantically. "I can not have a baby. I can not raise a family. I don't have options."

"Meredith, no…" Izzie gasped.

"What am I supposed to do?" Meredith sighed. "I have to do this."

George's mouth dropped. "You want to have an abortion?"

"What else would she be talking about!" Alex growled, not even forming a question.

"Adoption Meredith…" George suggested.

She shook her head, "And get fat and pregnant? No, it's not even an option."

"Yes, it is," Izzie demanded.

Meredith pushed her seat back a few inches, probably just for the dramatic effect of the action. "This is not your decision. This is my body, which means, it's my decision."

"No Meredith, this is wrong." Izzie spouted.

"Iz lay off," Alex suggested.

She pushed away from the table – this was not just for dramatic effect. "No…" Izzie walked away. George sighed, and quickly followed, calling after Izzie. Alex groaned, mumbling something about being dramatic and also left.

Meredith and Cristina continued to sit silently. Cristina had yet to say anything.

A car whizzed by, splashing cold water from a nearby puddle onto Meredith's legs. She grumbled, looking down at the streams of water across her pale skin. Just what she needed, she thought to herself. Of course, a wave of nausea passed through her stomach. Great, now the sight of dirty water made her nauseous.

"I'll go with you," Cristina finally spoke up.

"What?"

"To the clinic, or hospital, or wherever you need to go. I'll go with you."

Meredith shook her head, "Seriously?"

Cristina looked up, "Yes. Whenever you need…I'll be there."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered.

**---**

She sat with her phone cradled in her hands, her legs folded under her body. She had an appointment tomorrow – an important, life changing appointment tomorrow and she needed to call the one person she didn't want to because they needed familial information. Damn her father for leaving; because in this moment, she would much rather talk to him. She fingered each button, pulling her finger along the keys one by one. Meredith sighed heavily.

With the phone raised to her ear, she hit the send button twice – you know, since she had already called and hung up twice before. The ringing on the other side almost mocked her – scolded her for her immaturity. Of course she picked up.

"Hello?"

Meredith froze.

"Hello?" she said impatience in her voice. "I have caller ID you know. I'll just call back."

"M-mom…" Meredith stuttered. "It's me, Meredith, your daughter."

"Yes Meredith, I have not forgotten in this time that you are my daughter. But thank you for the reminder."

Meredith sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "How are you?"

Ellis groaned and Meredith could almost see her rolling her eyes. "You did not call me to check up on me Meredith. Tell me, what is it that you need? Money?"

"No mom, I don't need money…" she paused. "I uh, faxed a paper to your office at the hospital that you need to sign."

"A paper…what kind of paper?" she asked.

Meredith paused again, trying to calm the rapid beating of her heart. "It's just for a…a procedure I'm having done tomorrow. I have the number for you to fax it back to…but I need it as soon as possible. The procedures at noon, so if you could…"

"Stop babbling Meredith, it's not attractive. Now, what is this procedure? You know I will just find out tomorrow when I sign the paper."

"I uh…" she groaned. "Iamhavinganaboriton," she jumbled her words together.

Ellis said nothing – she had clearly heard her.

"I will sign the paper right away. Will you call me afterwards?" Ellis asked.

Meredith sat shocked, her knuckles turning white as she gripped her cell phone even tighter to her ear. "Uh…y-yeah mom – I'll call." She said, and she meant it.

"Good luck Meredith," she said before she hung up the phone.

Meredith fell back against her mattress, her phone tumbling from her hand to land on the plush material. Her hand absently moved across the flat plain of her stomach. She tried long and hard to imagine it – imagine her stomach bloated, rounded – her skin glowing in warmth. She couldn't imagine it. She leaned over and pulled the comforter from the edge, not even bothering to slide beneath it. Meredith sank lower, burying her head amidst her pillows, a few tears falling down her cheeks. Tomorrow…All of this would be forgotten tomorrow.

**---**

Another day, another doctor's office – how wonderful.

Cristina sat next to Meredith in comfortable silence. Meredith had told her when the appointment was, but she never expected Cristina to be waiting outside her house for her when she was ready to leave. She was supposed to have a contact person to drive her home, but she never once thought to bother Cristina with it. But now they sat, shoulder to shoulder, staring at the white door, waiting. Meredith felt the knots in her stomach growing as each moment ticked by. The door opened, and her stomach dropped.

"Meredith Grey?"

She turned to Cristina, who just stared at her.

"Do you want me…?" Cristina began.

Meredith shook her head, "I'll be fine."

She stood up and followed the gray haired nurse down the long corridor to the procedure room directly next to the exit. Meredith thought how ironic this was. She stepped into the room cautiously – as if it was going to burn her to the touch just to be in there. The next few minutes were a blur… "You can undress and put on that gown," "The doctor will be in in a few minutes," "Don't worry dear, you're in perfectly capable hands." Meredith just nodded. The nurse left, giving Meredith time to disrobe. She neatly folded each item of clothing and piled it on the chair.

A moment later, the doctor entered. She so hoped this doctor would be like the woman from the previous day – warm, comforting – but he wasn't at all. The permanent frown on his glib face sent a shiver down her spine.

"You can take your place on the table Miss Grey," he said, snapping on a pair of gloves.

Meredith stared at him, her arms crossed under her breasts, her knees shaking.

"No," she whispered.

"Miss Grey?" he asked.

She shook her head, "I-I-I can't…" she stuttered.

He tilted his head to the side. "If you're going to have the procedure…"

"I'm not," she said, pulling open the door and walked into the hallway. She didn't even grab her clothes – she just tightly pulled the paper gown around her body and stepped back into the waiting room. Cristina stood up at her entrance and nodded, not saying a word. Meredith and Cristina walked out of the clinic.


	6. You Decided This

**You have all been very patient so far, especially since Derek hasn't been around since the second chapter, but all of this is meant to set up what will all happen later. Derek will be back by chapter eight, but for now, these next two chapters are important. Thank you for the comments thus far. I will not be updating in the next few days because I will be in Boston with my friends, so I'll be back to updating on Friday! Have a nice couple of days!**

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**Chapter Six: You Decided This**

The door pulled open, and Alex stood on the other side. Meredith smiled nervously up at Alex – she had since changed into regular clothes, instead of the hospital gown. Alex stepped aside, realizing what was the cause of visit was. Every time Meredith walked into Alex's house she was astounded by the property and the home sitting on it, but she never asked questions. For some reason, the house seemed less shocking, more…Homey – most likely because she could smell the sweetness of Izzie's baking.

Alex sat down on the couch, knowing that Meredith knew where to look. She just nodded before stepping into the kitchen. Izzie stood with her back to the entrance of the lavishly modern kitchen – she was stirring the contents of a white bowl vigorously.

"Izzie?" Meredith called her attention, deciding to not beat around the bush.

Izzie did turn, but she had a scowl on her face. "You can leave Meredith."

"I came to… I have to talk to you."

"I'm busy," she sighed.

Meredith pressed her hand to her hip, trying to act firm, even though Izzie wasn't even looking at her. "Well I'm sorry to interrupt your baking, but you can just listen if that suites you."

Izzie turned, clearly angry. "Do not be pissed at me. You're the one that had an abortion."

"I didn't," Meredith whispered.

"What?"

Meredith shook her head. "I was there… Cristina came with me. I was waiting in the procedure room, but I imagined the tools they'd use… and what it'd be like. Then I thought about afterward… I wondered how I would feel. And I couldn't do it," she sighed. "I couldn't do it."

Izzie stood still in utter shock.

"And don't ask me what I'm going to do now – I have no clue. I haven't really… thought about it. All I know is that I couldn't do it."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Meredith shrugged, "I didn't do this for you."

"I know you didn't. But I'm glad you did."

"I have a favor to ask you… If you don't mind," Meredith said.

Izzie nodded, "Yeah, anything."

"I made an appointment at the hospital for a check up, you know for the baby," she motioned to her stomach. "This really isn't Cristina's thing, but I don't want to go alone, so if you wouldn't mind…maybe…"

"When is it?"

"Tomorrow at three – Boston General."

Izzie smiled warmly. "I'll pick you up at 12:30."

"Thank you Iz," Meredith nodded.

She walked back through the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. She smiled to Alex who just mouthed 'Thank you,' to Meredith. She nodded softly and exited the warm house, unsure of everything in the future.

**---**

Izzie drove much too slowly… She clearly thought driving over thirty miles per hour would hurt the baby. Meredith rolled her eyes at this thought. They managed to get to the hospital twenty minutes after leaving the house – the hospital was usually a ten minute drive. Izzie carefully helped Meredith from the car – a moment later, Meredith swatted Izzie away, whining that she was only six weeks pregnant, she could walk herself.

Meredith couldn't face her gynecologist. Dr. Patton had been her doctor for years, but she knew how close the doctor was to her mother and the last thing Meredith needed was her mother knowing she was planning on having this baby. So she opted for the hospital instead. They stepped into the clinic at Boston General. A stocky black woman greeted them with a warm smile despite her slightly annoyed looked.

"Hello, how can I help you?" she glanced between Izzie and Meredith.

"I'm Meredith Grey… I have an appointment with Dr. Montgomery."

The woman glanced down at her clipboard which had previously been tucked under her arm. Meredith read the name on her lab coat, 'Dr. Miranda Bailey'. Dr. Bailey nodded in approval, tucking the chart back into place. "Yes Miss Grey. I will page her – if you would just take a seat." She motioned to the chairs set aside.

Meredith nodded and took her seat alongside Izzie. Only minutes passed before a tall red head walked into the clinic. She was dressed pristinely in a knee-length pencil skirt and a white button-up blouse. She stopped before Meredith and Izzie and offered a slight smile.

"Meredith Grey?" she waited for one of the women to look up. She nodded, "I'm Dr. Addison Montgomery," she held her hand out, which Meredith shook, "If you'd just follow me, we can get started."

Izzie stayed behind – halted by Meredith's glare when she stood up to join them. Meredith followed Dr. Montgomery down the hallway to an examining room, perfectly outfitted for just her type of work she did. Dr. Montgomery shut the door behind them and motioned to the table, which Meredith took a seat on.

"So you're pregnant," she stated, glancing down at the chart.

Meredith nodded, "Yes."

"How far along would you estimate?"

She paused to think, even though she knew. "I'd say about six weeks."

"Are we waiting for someone to join you?" She asked politely.

"No."

Dr. Montgomery nodded. "Alright then," she flipped on a switch on the ultra sound machine. "If you would lie back now, I can check the baby."

Meredith lay back as she was asked and pulled up her shirt – she had seen enough movies to know how this went. Dr. Montgomery applied the cold gel to her stomach and Meredith winced at the feeling. She smiled apologetically before pressing the ultrasound tool to the lower part of her stomach. Meredith heard nothing except her own gentle breathing, her eyes focused on the blurry screen. A moment later, a fuzzy black and white picture appeared.

"Well, he or she is very small, but that's your baby," she pointed to the screen.

She pulled herself up to rest back on her elbows, her eyes glued to the screen.

"You were correct – you are just over six weeks. You still have quite a while until we can hear a heartbeat or see a clear picture, but that's your baby."

Meredith was shocked.

"Would you like a picture?"

"Yes," she whispered.

Dr. Montgomery nodded and followed the act of printing a single copy of the image Meredith was watching. She wiped off the gel from Meredith's stomach and attempted to hand Meredith the picture. "Miss Grey?" she asked, calling her attention. Meredith turned and took the picture, nodding slightly. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yes…"

"Don't be afraid Meredith," she said calmly. "I'm going to prescribe you some pre-natal vitamins which will be very healthy for you and for the baby."

Meredith nodded.

"I'd like you to come back in six weeks, and than, once a month after that – just so we can keep track of the baby's development. Can you do that Meredith?"

"Yes," she confirmed.

Dr. Montgomery smiled, "Good. Well, here is your prescription and I will see you in six weeks."

Meredith walked from the room and back to the clinic where Izzie was still waiting. She had been reading a magazine when Meredith walked in and tossed it aside as soon as she entered the room. Izzie wrapped her arm around Meredith's shoulder, leading her out – she could tell Meredith was overwhelmed.

Izzie didn't try to talk as she drove Meredith back to the house. They walked silently from there and into the warmth of the house, despite the air conditioner running. Meredith paused as they entered the house, biting thoughtfully on her bottom lip.

"Are you regretting your decision?" Izzie asked.

"No."

"Should you call the father?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Izzie – I'm sure."

"He might want to know."

Meredith shook her head. "What does it matter? I'm giving the baby up for adoption anyway."

"I guess it doesn't," Izzie nodded. "I'm going to go make cobbler."

"Cobbler's good," Meredith said absently.


	7. Days Passing By Again

**Thank you for all of your wonderful comments and patience over the last few days. I am back from "vacation" and will now be updating regularly. I am so happy you all seem to enjoy this story thus far -- and hope you continue to enjoy it. Here's the next chapter. **

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**Chapter Seven: Days Passing By Again**

"Aren't you supposed to be eating healthy? Isn't that how this goes?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, picking at the honey bun in her hands. She had been having brunch every Sunday at Alex's place since she could remember – only now, since she was pregnant, did it become annoying. Izzie was forcing healthy food her way, and Meredith wanted none of it. Alex just laughed, shaking his head, returning to the sport's section in his hands.

The doorbell rang and Meredith smiled. Izzie walked from the room, grumbling something about eat fruits and vegetables. Alex set down the paper as soon as she left the room. "She's just being Izzie, you know. She doesn't mean it."

"No, I know," Meredith said quickly, shaking her head. "Do you notice how I don't listen?"

Alex chuckled, picking back up his paper. "Yeah, I did notice that."

Cristina's voice bellowed through the house – she probably wasn't even through the door yet. Meredith could hear Alex chuckle again. Cristina walked into the room, yelling something about 'these stupid Sunday brunches'. "Oh, thank god you're here Mer. Are we drinking mimosas?" She asked Izzie.

"Cristina," she sighed. "You know we stopped as soon as Meredith got pregnant."

"Okay, then I take it back – you need to leave," she pointed to Meredith.

"Oh shut up – at least she isn't trying to shove fruit and vegetables down your throat."

Cristina grumbled, sitting down. "Fine, if there's no booze, I'll just eat until I feel drunk."

"You're so dramatic," Izzie rolled her eyes. "Now Meredith, when's your appointment?"

"At three, but you don't have to come."

"Oh, but I want to."

Meredith shook her head, "I have some things to do, so really, you don't have to come."

"Are you sure?" she asked surprised.

"Yeah, positive," she nodded.

The doorbell rang again.

Izzie beamed, "That must be George," she walked out of the room to get the door.

"What are you planning?" Cristina asked – Alex also looked up.

"What? Nothing…" Meredith said.

"Why don't you want Izzie going with you?"

Meredith shrugged, "This is my thing. She doesn't need to be there."

Cristina nodded, as did Alex – both clearly not pressing her any further.

George plopped down next to Meredith, grumbling under his breath. Brunch went on as planned – Izzie serving way too much food for only five people, but everyone was happy to be there. An hour later, everyone left, and Meredith was off to her appointment with Dr. Montgomery. But she had one stop to make.

Meredith stepped into the air conditioned store. It was September, yet it felt like the middle of July outside – it couldn't help that she was four and a half months pregnant. But the new smell of the store and the cold air blowing down on her cooled her down and made her slightly nauseous. She knew where she was headed. Meredith walked down the aisle without hesitation and ran her fingers across the soft fabrics one by one. Each item was brightly colored – usually in shades of pastels. Her fingers touched a light blue one and she felt a swift movement in her stomach. She paused, her hand resting on her stomach, sighing softly. Meredith picked up the small onesie and walked to the register like she had each time she walked into this store.

The cashier smiled – she had rung up Meredith's purchases before. Meredith paid and walked out the door. She opened the back of her Jeep and tossed the onesie into the box that held various other objects, rattles, other onesies, toys, socks, bibs, pacifiers…Anything that was small enough to fit in the box, she bought.

Meredith climbed into her car and drove to the hospital.

"Meredith!" Addison greeted as Meredith walked into the clinic.

Since Meredith's first appointment with Addison and all the ones later on, they had grown to be close friends. Meredith confided in Addison with her fears. Meredith walked directly to Addison and the women embraced.

"Hey Addi," she greeted. The baby kicked swiftly.

Addison pulled back from Meredith and pressed her palms to Meredith's stomach. "Well look who decided to start kicking."

Meredith smiled. "Yup, today…Well last night, but more today."

"Ready to find out the sex?" Addison asked.

"More than ready," she smiled.

They stepped into the same examining room that had gone into for the last three months. Meredith hopped up on the table and pulled her shirt up. Addison laughed and shook her head. She walked over and began. A 'whoosh' sound filled the room as the baby's heartbeat was monitored for a second.

"Well…?" Meredith asked.

Addison smiled, "Well…" she paused. "It's a boy."

Meredith's mouth dropped and she smiled. "A boy?"

The women both shared a smile, staring at the screen. Addison printed out a picture while Meredith cleaned up her stomach and readjusted her top. Addison paused, holding the picture in her hand. Meredith eyed her curiously, "Addison?"

"Are you still putting him up for adoption?"

Meredith sighed. "Yes…No…" she shrugged, "I have no idea."

"You'll figure it out."

"Addison?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you married?"

Addison nodded, "Yeah, seven years."

"Do you have kids?"

She shook her head, "No, I don't."

"Do you want them?"

She nodded, "Yes, I do."

Meredith nodded. "So, I'll see you in four weeks?"

"Yes, you will," she confirmed.

**---**

"Mer!" she heard Izzie call as she entered the room.

Meredith sighed and shut the door. Izzie had moved out a few months ago, moving in with Alex and George was never around, so Meredith was used to having a house all to her. She dropped her purse and kicked off her shoes.

"Hey!" Izzie walked into the foyer. "Sorry I'm here. I just wanted to find out what he or she is. Is it a he or a she?"

She couldn't help but smile. "He."

"A boy?" Izzie shrieked, hugging Meredith. "Oh I have to tell everyone!"

Izzie ran from the house. Meredith laughed softly and shook her head. She stepped into the kitchen, grabbing a chocolate donut from the box that sat on the counter and the entire carton of milk – she was practically living by herself now, so it was acceptable…At least that's what she told herself. Meredith carried her goodies and walked up the stairs to the last room on her right, the "guest" room. But when she threw open the door, it did not look like it was at all – it looked like…A nursery. The walls were painted off-white; a perfect, light wooden crib was set up and a matching changing table. Meredith smiled… This was her son's nursery.


	8. On This Journey to the Past

**This is a short chapter, but meaningful just the same. As always, your comments are wonderful. Thank you all :)**

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**Chapter Eight: On This Journey to the Past**

The day was bitterly cold for the middle of December, but it felt good against Meredith's skin as she walked from the hospital. Being seven and a half months pregnant greatly raised the temperature of her body…It seemed only cold weather could cool her down. She walked down the sidewalk and into the parking lot which was mostly deserted. Meredith pulled her purse to her side and opened it, searching for her keys. Damn her for buying such a big and useless bag. She groaned and tripped over her own feet, stumbling a bit. "Dammit," she said aloud.

"Meredith?" a gentle voice called from behind her.

She finally found her keys, pulled them out, and turned, ready to face the voice – or so she thought. She brushed her hair from her face and met his steady blue eyes. For a moment, her heart stopped in her chest and she felt like dying.

He smiled apprehensively, "I thought that was you." He took a few steps forward, "Derek, remember? We spent that night together…" he glanced down at her stomach, "Uh, a few months back." He looked up and met her eyes.

"I remember you," she whispered.

"How have you been?" he asked, glancing down at her stomach again.

She nodded, "Fine, you?"

Derek smiled slight, "Good." He paused, tilting his head to the side. All she could think about was the last time she had seen him do that. "You're pregnant." He pointed out.

"No…I mean, yes," she groaned at her stupidity. "Yes, I am pregnant."

"How far along are you?"

Lie Meredith, lie, she thought. "Five months."

"Wow, you're pretty, uh…"

She nodded, "Big, yes…Uh, twins."

He smiled. "Yes, of course," he looked around, "And the father is…"

"Home," she lied again.

Derek nodded. "Well, you look great. Pregnancy agrees with you."

What a charmer, she thought. Meredith smiled weakly. "Thank you. I should uh…"

"I'll see you around. Good luck with…Everything."

"You too, Derek," she smiled.

Meredith walked away quickly before she had time to fall apart. She did not even turn around to see if he was still there. Meredith slipped into her car and pulled on her seat belt. She took a moment to turn and glance to where he was – he was thankfully gone. Meredith shook her head – of course now the baby chose to move like crazy. They were right about babies being able to tell who their fathers are by voice.

She drove home slower than she ever had before in her life. At one point a jogger passed her – but Meredith couldn't think, not for a moment. The plans she had – the plans of begin able to do this – being able to raise her son no matter what, flew out the open window. She had never expected to see him again. How naïve of her.

It took everything she had to pull herself from her car without burning the box in the back of her car. But she prevailed and walked up the steps to her front porch. The door was unlocked, but Meredith did not think much of it. She tossed her things aside and walked into the living room with every intention of passing out on the couch and never awaking.

But her plans came crashing down…

**---**

"Meredith," she said in a stern tone.

"Mom," she gasped.

Ellis nodded and stood up, crossing the room to stand directly in front of her daughter. They stood at eye level to one another. "This is not what we discussed," she remarked, pointing to Meredith's stomach. Her mother was never much for pleasantries.

"Yeah, I uh…I couldn't go through with it," Meredith stammered.

"Clearly…Where is the father?"

Meredith shook her head.

"So, you'll do this alone?" She glared at Meredith. "You're so irresponsible."

"Mom…" Meredith sighed.

"No Meredith…" she stopped her. "Have you even bothered to sit down and think about this, about how your life is about to change? You are twenty-two years old and you are pregnant with a baby." She paused, pursing her lips together. "And do you know how I found out? Dr. Fletcher called me. I guess you didn't know he worked at the hospital. He called to tell me congratulations on my daughter's pregnancy."

"I would have…"

Ellis lifted her hand to stop Meredith. "I don't want to hear it. Now, tell me…Have you chosen and adoptive family yet?"

Meredith paused – tracing her foot on the floor. "I'm not sure…uh, what I'm doing yet."

"Excuse me?"

"I might keep him," she said, staring down.

"No."

"Mom!"

"Meredith, no…Don't be a foolish idiot!"

Meredith groaned, "Mom, I'm an adult. I can do this!"

"You can do this, really? How do you expect to finish your medical degree? You're already a semester into school…You won't go back after this. You're being entirely foolish."

"Actually Mom…I didn't start school yet."

Ellis glared, "You what?"

"I figured with the pregnancy….I'll go after."

"And what will you do with an infant when you go to class – breastfeed right there?"

Meredith sighed, "No mother…I have friends who will help."

"You are so damn foolish. You are screwing up your life, again. Remember after Seth broke up with you…You're lucky you were just two weeks from graduation or you never would have graduated!"

"Do not bring him up," Meredith practically growled.

Ellis shook her head. "You're not mature enough Meredith. You're not ready for this! And I will not stand by and watch you do this to yourself. Do what you want…keep the child for all care…but I swear to you, I will not help you. You may call – if and when you decide to stop making a fool out of yourself and of me."

"Then I guess have a nice life mom – I will not change my mind."

Ellis said nothing – she turned and left.


	9. It Is Just the Beginning of the End

**I know, I know. Derek didn't really come back as you all assumed and Meredith didn't really handle things well, but don't worry, she will come clean soon. VERY soon. This chapter is essential and the title kind of says all I could say about it, without babbling on forever. **

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**Chapter Nine: It Is Just the Beginning of the End**

Usually when Meredith showed up for her appointments, Addison greeted her in the clinic and walked her to the room – but today, Dr. Bailey led her herself and left Meredith waiting. She read over all off the posters in the room, while gently running her fingertips over her stomach and humming. She was due February 24 – one week away. This was her final appointment with Addison before the birth.

Birth – Meredith thought to herself, shuttering slightly. She sighed, knowing how bad it was going to be. But Izzie was going to hold her hand, which added a sense of calm to Meredith.

The door opened, and Addison walked in – as fabulous as ever, "Hi Meredith."

"Hey Addison," Meredith greeted.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked, a bit frazzled.

Meredith nodded, "Tired, but well."

"Well good…"

"Addison, is something wrong?"

She shook her head quickly, "No, I'm fine." She smiled. "It's just a case I have upstairs has me a little distracted. But don't worry…You have my full attention now."

Meredith nodded, "Alright."

Addison began her work slowly – following the procedure she had been doing on Meredith for months now. Meredith said nothing, only wincing once when the cold gel hit her stomach and again when the baby kicked her swiftly in the ribs. The 'whoosh' sound of the heartbeat once again filled the room and Meredith sighed in relief. She closed her eyes. But Meredith noticed Addison was taking a bit too much time on the ultrasound. She opened her eyes and took in Addison's concerned face.

"Is there something wrong?" she whispered.

Addison paused.

"Addison?"

She turned and clicked off the button on the apparatus. "It appears that the baby has a neural tube defect," she said thoughtfully.

"A what?" Meredith asked, almost panicked.

"Meredith, calm down…There is no need to panic." Meredith nodded. "All this means is that the neural tube that encases your son's spinal cord is slightly defected." Addison paused, "So we'll just have to have our neurosurgeon come in and speak with you."

Meredith shook her head, "Please tell me what happens next Addison."

"Well, once your son is born, he will need to go into surgery to fix it."

"Is the surgery safe?" she whispered.

Addison paused again.

"Oh god," Meredith groaned, tears welling in her eyes.

"Let me page our neurosurgeon Meredith," she rested her hand on Meredith's.

Meredith nodded - her eyes moving to the ceiling as tears slid down her cheeks.

Addison left for a moment. Meredith closed her eyes tightly and ran her hand over her stomach protectively. She could feel him kicking her gently. The door to the room was cracked open and Meredith could hear Addison speaking softly to someone. Meredith strained herself to listen – but gave up when the door opened. Addison walked back into the room, a soft, reassuring smile on her face. Behind her walked in the very person she figured she'd never see again.

"Meredith, this is Dr. Derek Shepherd, our neurosurgeon."

"Surgeon," her mouth fell open as the words passed her lips.

"Miss Grey," he nodded slightly, obviously uncomfortable.

Addison stepped next to Meredith and took her hand. "Dr. Shepherd will take good care of you," she smiled. "He better," she joked, "He's my husband."

**---**

Addison left the room after she dropped the bomb of news in the still room. She explained she had to attend to the other patient she had mentioned before. Once the door was closed, Derek moved as if he was not shocked to see her lying in the stirrups, exposed and vulnerable. He scanned her stomach, staring at the ultrasound machine.

Meredith stared up at his strong face. His blue eyes were harder than they had been before – and Meredith shuttered. Derek glanced down at her before quickly diverting his attention back up to the screen.

"How long have you been married?" she whispered.

He cleared his throat, "Seven years."

Meredith nodded, "Of course." She lay back against the table.

"How long have _you_ been pregnant?"

"Nine months," she whispered.

"You lied," he accused.

Meredith's jaw dropped, "So did you!"

"No, I did not." He denied. "You never asked me if I was married – if you did, I would have told you."

"Liar," she shook her head. "You would not have told me."

"Why did you tell me you were only five months when you were really seven at the time?"

She shook her head.

"It's mine, isn't it?"

"No."

Derek glared her way, "Meredith…"

"Do not say my name as if you know me."

"Is this child mine? I have a right to know."

"Fine…Yes, he's yours. Happy?"

He turned to her, his eyes softer. "Of course I'm not happy. You should have told me. I would have been there for you."

"Oh really – you would have been there for me. Would you have held my hand while your wife performs my ultrasound? How would you have explained that to her?" She shook her head, propping herself up on her elbows. "And tell me Dr. Shepherd, why were you traipsing around bars late at night? Were you looking for a twenty-two year old to seduce and knock up?"

Derek's eyes went dark again, "You think I went looking to do what I did that night? You think it doesn't rip me apart to know that I cheated on my wife? You, Miss Grey are very naïve to the world, and very judgmental."

Meredith closed her eyes, tears slipping down her cheeks. "Dammit," she groaned.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Can you just tell me what's going to happen now with my baby?"

Derek nodded, turning back to the monitor. "I'm going to have to operate once he is born."

"And he could…Die?" she whispered.

"Yes, he could."

"No…" she groaned, running her fingers along the top of her stomach.

Derek's eyes followed her fingers carefully. He sighed, and sat down next to her on the table. His eyes were softer than she had ever seen them and sniffled slightly. Derek's hand moved along her jaw softly. "I'm sorry Meredith," he paused, "I will do all I can, okay."

She nodded.

He stood up and looked down at her. "I'm sorry."

"I am too. I was going to tell you, but…"

"I shouldn't have gone home with you that night."

"No, you shouldn't have. But I shouldn't have invited you."

Derek shrugged. "Yes, but you expected me to be single and available."

"Why did you do it?" she whispered.

"Addison and I…We've been having some problems and we fought. It's never an excuse…I know that, but I needed to feel something besides anger." He sighed. "I regret it every single day of my life."

Meredith nodded, "Me too."

Derek touched her stomach tentatively. "Are you keeping him?"

She nodded.

The door opened, and Addison walked back in. Derek lifted his hand, and picked up a towel, returning to wipe her stomach clean. Addison smiled and picked Meredith's hand up, taking it in her own.

"Are you alright?"

Meredith nodded, "I'm fine. I just want to go…"

Addison sighed. "With your son's condition… We need to monitor him Meredith, so…"

"I can't leave," she groaned.

"Not until the birth."

"Dammit," she sighed.

Addison smiled weakly. "If you give me some numbers, I can call your family and they can come in – make it more comfortable for you to be here."

She shook her head, "I don't have family here. My friends…" she whispered.

Addison nodded, "Just give me the numbers. I'll have an intern call."

Meredith sighed, turning her face up to look at Derek. He smiled softly and warmly. He nodded his head in encouragement. Meredith closed her eyes and ran her hands across her stomach. She could feel Derek's fingers gently brushing her side and her eyes flew open. He smiled once more and took a step away from her. Meredith took the clipboard Addison held in front of her and wrote down four phone numbers.


	10. You Find Out Who Your Friends Are

**I'm sorry for those of you who don't like where the story has headed and while I don't condone cheating, I find it fairly compelling in writing _fiction_. As for those of you who continue to read and comment, thank you for sticking by my story. I really do appreciate it. Enjoy the next few chapters... I fear some of you will not like what will be coming soon.**

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**Chapter Ten: You Find Out Who Your Friends Are**

Rest…That was the one request from Addison, Derek, and the other doctors…She must rest before the birth. Meredith allowed her eyes to close – she could hear the gentle sounds of the machines she was hooked up to and the sounds of people passing in the hallway. How could she rest with so much noise around her? In an hour so much had changed…Had twisted around. Her mind was racing and for a few minutes, she just wanted to be carefree.

"Meredith!"

Her heart almost stopped in her chest. Meredith turned to the door where her family stood. A sigh of relief passed her lips and she felt slightly calm again. Alex, Izzie, George, and Cristina all pushed into the room, two taking place on one side, and two on the other. Four pairs of hands touched her to comfort her.

"Mer…" Izzie began, "What's going on? The doctor's won't tell us anything."

"There's a complication," she said simply. "The encasing around his spinal cord hasn't developed enough, so they are going to need to operate as soon as he's born."

"But that's no big deal, right?" Alex asked.

Meredith paused.

"Oh Mer…" George sighed.

"They're going to do everything they can," she nodded. "Dr. Shepherd…" she paused at the sound of his name rolling off of her tongue, "He's very good at what he does. He promised he would do the best he could."

Cristina nodded, "I'm going to check him up online – check his credentials."

"It's not necessary. He's…Good." She nodded.

"What's going on with you?" Cristina eyed her.

"What kind of question is that?" Izzie asked from across the bed. "Her son has to have surgery, what else would be wrong with her?"

"Izzie…" Alex whispered, calming her down.

Cristina shook her head, "No, something else is going on."

Meredith sighed, "It's nothing."

"Meredith?" George questioned.

She looked up, staring into the eyes of each of her friends. As her eyes dropped back to staring towards her feet, she noticed that Izzie and George were holding each of her hands and Alex and Cristina had a comfortable hold on her upper arms. She sighed. "Dr. Shepherd…the surgeon who will operate…He's Derek."

"He's…" Izzie began.

"…Derek?" Alex ended.

Meredith nodded, "Yes. Derek…the guy that got me into this mess is also a surgeon here – the surgeon that is supposed to operate on my son once he's born." Everyone stared down at her in disbelief. "Oh, and if that's not good enough…He's married…to Addison, who happens to be my other doctor."

"What?" George asked.

"Oh yeah, great fun," she rolled her eyes.

"How long has he been married?" Cristina asked, "I mean, did he just meet her, or…"

Meredith shook her head.

"Oh," Cristina sighed.

"Plus, I told Derek that the baby's his, so technically, he shouldn't even be operating on him," she laughed bitterly. "But enough about me - tell me all of your problems…Please."

**---**

When she awoke, the room was dark – the only light was coming from the partially opened door. She could also hear voices – Izzie and Cristina were talking quietly outside the door. Lucky enough for Meredith, they were loud enough for her to hear their entire conversation. She must have not been asleep long because they were still talking about Dr. Shepherd being Derek and being married.

"How do people cheat?" Izzie whispered. "I just don't get it."

"The man has eyes…He saw Meredith – priorities change sometimes." Cristina defended.

"So, you're saying its okay that he slept with Meredith while his wife was at home?"

"No…I'm just saying that when you mix testosterone with alcohol, the outcome is generally the same. A man is just a man…" she whispered back.

Izzie sighed, "You are unbelievable. Oh, shut up," she said quickly. "Dr. Montgomery…"

"Hello ladies, how is she doing?" Addison asked.

"She's okay," Izzie answered first.

"She's really tired and kind of shaken up…But, she'll be okay."

Izzie cleared her throat, "She will…Be okay, right? I mean…She can't die from this?"

"No…She'll be fine…Physically at least. But if she loses the baby…"

"Emotionally, she'll be a wreck," Cristina chimed in.

"Exactly," Addison confirmed.

"Could we maybe…" Izzie paused, "Speak to Dr. Shepherd?"

"Of course – I'll page him."

Meredith groaned, rolling over a bit in the bed. She did not want to be hearing any of this conversation but she could not tune them out. And now, Derek was going to talk to them – and if Meredith knew her friends, they would not being talking about the baby at all. Meredith could hear Addison's heels as they clicked away. Next, Izzie and Cristina began to whisper too quietly for Meredith to hear – but it sounded like Cristina was not happy with this decision.

A moment later, she heard his voice. He greeted Cristina and Izzie by name – now how did he know their names? Maybe she had been asleep longer than she knew and they had been introduced. All he said was hello; his voice was deep yet soft.

"Why would you sleep with her if you were married?" Izzie demanded, adding something like the word 'pig' at the end, but thankfully, Meredith couldn't really hear.

"Izzie…" he began.

"I don't want to hear it," she cut him off.

"Oh shut up Iz," Cristina groaned. "Don't ask him a question and then not wait for the answer. Now…why did you sleep with her?"

"We can not talk about this here," he answered carefully.

"No one cares about your pride," Izzie sneered.

"Maybe not, but I care about my career and I will not have you ruin it. If you'd like to talk about this, we can go to my office."

Meredith could not hear their answers, but moments later, the three voices were gone. She sighed happily – she did not want to hear anything he had to say. She was already stressed and didn't need anymore.

"Sorry you had to hear that," Alex said.

She had thought she was alone in the room. Meredith turned and noticed Alex sitting in the chair by the window – George was asleep on the couch near the foot of her bed.

"I would have gone out there myself, but Izzie was on a roll."

Meredith laughed softly, "Its fine."

Alex stood up and walked across the room. "How are you, really?"

"I'm…dealing."

"Also known as…Freaking out?" he questioned.

She shook her head, "Not yet. When I'm in labor then I'll freak out."

"We'll be here for you when you are…okay?"

"More than okay," she smiled.

Alex smirked, "So you had an affair with a married man…I'm impressed."

Meredith laughed loudly. "I didn't think of it that way."

"That's what I'm here for," he smiled.

George snored loudly and grumbled something in his sleep before rolling over. Meredith and Alex watched him and both laughed quietly.

"And of course George is here to add nice background noise…"

Meredith smiled, "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything, but you're welcome. You should sleep…You look like shit," Alex rested his hand on her stomach.

Meredith nodded, pulling the covers up closer to her body. She closed her eyes and she could tell Alex had walked away. But she could not sleep…George's loud snoring and the sound of the machines in the room had her restless. She opened her eyes a few moments later – Alex had left the room and Izzie and Cristina were not back yet. Meredith held herself up by her elbows and stared down at George.

"George…" she whispered fiercely with no avail. "George…" she said louder this time. "George," she practically screamed, sending him flying up into a seated position – clearly disoriented. "I'm bored," she whispered.

George pulled himself from the couch and walked across the room. He tiredly sat next to her on the bed, smiling weakly. "Where is everyone?"

"Yelling at the man that did this to me," she pointed to her stomach.

George laughed and placed his hand on her rounded stomach. "You okay?"

"Better…" she said absently.

"Everything will be okay…"

"I hope so," she nodded.

The door swung open, filtering light into the room. Izzie walked in first, closely followed by Cristina, than Alex and finally Derek. They all said nothing, and everyone but Derek had their eyes cast down. He stared directly at Meredith. She shivered from his intense gaze.

"Can I speak to Meredith alone?" Izzie and Cristina glared at him. "Just for a moment…"

Everyone glanced at Meredith, she nodded. "It's fine."

George smiled weakly as he stood up. They four of them walked slowly from the room, their eyes on Meredith solely. She nodded and smiled. They closed the door tightly, and Derek reached to turn on the lamp next to the bed. He picked up her chart…Doing the doctor thing. She watched him carefully.


	11. Want You to Know That I Forgive You

**I want to thank all of you who sent me wonderfully supportive comments/messages yesterday. I was in a funk after having received some rather rude messages about my piece of _fiction_ and feel very lucky that so many of you continue to read and enjoy this story. This next chapter is one of my favorites of the entire story, mostly because a lot is revealed. Thank you again! :)**

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**Chapter Eleven: Want You to Know That I Forgive You**

"How are you feeling?" he asked softly.

Meredith sighed and rolled her eyes, relaxing back against the pillows. "I'd feel a whole lot better if everyone stopped asking me that."

He chuckled at her tenacity and set the chart down on the tray table half across her legs. "Well they are asking mentally how you are…I'm asking physically. Do you feel any abdominal pain? Any signs of labor?"

"No…I feel _fine_."

Derek sat down next to her and she glared. He smiled at her and tilted his head to the side. Once again, all she could think of was that night and the way he had tilted his head before, the same goofy grin on his lips. "Do you believe me when I say I regret that night?"

"Yes."

"Do you believe me when I say I am very sorry?"

"Yes."

"Do you accept my apology?"

"No."

Derek nodded and sighed softly. "I understand that. But Meredith, I never intended on any of this happening…Especially the pregnancy part."

"Using a condom might have helped…" she said with a sly smiled.

He chuckled loudly and nodded, "You got me there."

"And I know you didn't intend on this happening…I understand that. But I just don't understand why…Why did you cheat?"

Derek nodded. "Your friends asked me the same thing." Meredith smiled to herself. "Addison and I had a big fight that night – about kids ironically," he chuckled thoughtfully. "She wasn't ready for any and I was. I told her if she let me leave then, it was over. I meant it. I met my friend Mark at Joe's – when I'm pissed at Addison, he generally calms me down so I don't do anything insane."

"Like take someone home?"

"Exactly," he smiled. "But Mark was preoccupied and I got distracted." He shrugged. "I knew better…The entire time with you, I knew it was wrong. But there was something about you that made me afraid to pull away."

"But in the morning…You asked for my phone number…"

He shrugged, "When I'm around you all clear thoughts leave my head."

"So, you're blaming me?" she asked with an amused smile on her face.

Derek beamed, "Exactly. But honestly, I thought Addison and I were finished. I meant what I had said to her. She called me that night. But I left my phone at your place." He smirked. Meredith shook her head. "She left a message, begging me to come back. She promised we'd make it work. So I went home."

"Alright then," she nodded in agreement.

"Can I ask you something?" Derek asked, hopeful. "And you can say no…"

Meredith nodded, "Sure."

"When he's born…I want to be part of his life," he paused. "I'm not asking to have every other weekend and holiday with him, or even see him…I just want to know how he is doing and even be of monetary help."

"Derek…"

"I want children Meredith…And Addison is not giving them to me and you are. I just…I need to know how he is. That's all I'm asking."

Meredith turned her head to the side. "Are you going to tell Addison?"

"Once he's born…Yes."

"You're sure?"

Derek nodded, "Yes."

"You can be involved in his life."

"Really?" he asked, as if he couldn't believe her answer.

Meredith nodded, "Of course. As long as Addison knows, you can be as much of a part of his life as you'd like."

Derek nodded, a smile pulling across his face. "Thank you so much Meredith. You have no idea what this means to me."

"I'm still mad at you for lying."

"I know," he nodded. "And I will never stop apologizing."

Derek stood up and walked to Meredith's other side. He lifted the chart from the tray table and jotted down notes from the machines. Meredith watched him – his brow furrowed as he scribbled swiftly. He was clearly concentrating because he did not even turn to look at her. Meredith winced slightly in pain, her palm pressing to her abdomen.

"What's the matter?" he asked, taking a seat next to her. His hand rested on her stomach.

In that moment, the baby kicked swiftly at his hand. Derek pulled back and looked up at Meredith. She smiled softly. "I'm fine…He just knows you're here, so he's freaking out."

Derek stared down at her stomach again, his hand looming over her. She nodded slightly, just in case he was asking permission. His fingers felt along the bump in her stomach, feeling as the baby moved, kicked, squirmed beneath the tips of his fingers. He smiled for a moment. "So nothing is wrong?" he asked.

She shook her head, "No, he's just antsy."

"I'm guessing his mother is too," he tilted his head.

She rolled her eyes and laid back, "You have _no_ idea. I can't wait to get back to my life."

"Yes and what is your life like? Well…before the baby?"

Meredith smiled. "I'm a med school student, so it's insane."

"Med school," he chuckled, "I never would have guessed."

She sighed, "Well, I'm taking time off now because…" she looked down at her stomach. "But after some time…I'll go back."

Derek smiled, "You will."

Her eyes met his and Meredith felt as if for that moment, her heart stopped. The heart monitor read the skipping beat of her heart and she held her breath, praying he did not notice. The light from the lamp set upon his eyes, making them twinkle. His lips upturned into a smile as the baby continued to move beneath his hand. Meredith allowed herself to completely relax back against the pillows – her hand a mere inches from Derek's. His pinky finger brushed across her thumb, warming her entire body.

The door to the room opened and Derek took his hand away and stood up before the person passing the threshold could even enter. He looked professional standing next to Meredith, the chart balanced in his hands. Meredith turned and smiled weakly at Addison.

"Oh, Derek…" she said softly, "…how's our patient doing?"

He nodded, "She's fine. The baby seems to be responding well to the medicines administered three hours ago and Meredith's heart rate has remained…" he looked down at her, a knowing look in his eyes, "…steady the last three hours also."

"Well that's great to hear," she smiled. "Any pains Meredith?"

"No," she shook her head.

"And any fetal distress?" she motioned for the chart, which Derek handed over.

"Nope."

Addison smiled, "Well alright then. Just page me if any problems occur. We only live ten minutes away – I can be here in an instant."

Meredith nodded, "Thank you… Dr. Montgomery…?" she said her last name like a question.

Addison laughed softly, as if she knew what she was going to ask. "I didn't change my last name because I was already well established when we got married."

"Oh," she nodded.

"Derek…" she motioned to the hallway. "Like I said…page me – I'll be back in the morning."

Addison left the room first and Derek followed, slowly. He paused at the door and smiled to Meredith before stepping outside. Meredith allowed air to refill her lungs. She felt like she hadn't taken a breath since Derek entered the room. She relaxed back against the pillows and tried to fall asleep, like the doctor ordered – she needed to rest.


	12. You’ll See it All in Your Baby

**Sorry for the delay, I've been really busy. Thank you for your comments!**

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**Chapter Twelve: You'll See it All in Your Baby**

"What's wrong?" Addison asked as she rushed into Meredith's room.

A nurse, standing by the door handed her the chart. "We monitored fetal distress about fifteen minutes ago and now the mother is in distress. We tried to administer medicine to calm them both down, but it didn't work."

Meredith rustled in the bed, her hands holding her stomach, her face scrunched up in pain. Addison was by her side in an instant, brushing the sweaty hair from her face. "Meredith…you have to calm down and tell me what you feel."

"Addison…" she groaned, "It hurts…"

"I know…I know," she whispered. "Now, tell me what hurts exactly?"

"My…It feels like I'm tearing in half."

Addison nodded, "Contractions...The fetus is in distress because the mother is." The nurse nodded along with her. Addison turned back to Meredith. "Okay…We need you to calm down Meredith. All this struggling, it's hurting the baby…"

"Derek…" she groaned.

"He's in surgery. He'll be here before the baby is born," she confirmed, not thinking twice about why Meredith would be pleading for him.

"No…now…" she whimpered. "And my friends…"

Addison continued to smooth back her hair. "We called your friends – they're on their way. And I can page Derek if you're that nervous about the baby being okay."

"Please…"

"Page Dr. Shepherd," she said to one of the nurses. "Tell him it's Meredith and it's an emergency. And will you please check on the whereabouts of her friends."

Addison turned back to Meredith. "Calm down now…you need to calm…down…"

Meredith closed her eyes tightly – waiting for him to arrive.

**---**

Meredith continued to feel like her body was stretching while Addison stayed by her side trying to calm her; but when Derek's soothing voice filled the room, she paused. Derek walked into the room. "What's going on?"

"She's not stable and neither is the baby. She's going into labor and they're both in distress."

In an instant, his hand was in hers, squeezing gently. "Derek…" she whispered.

"I'm here…"

Her heart rate continued to spike again.

"We need you to calm down," he said gently, smoothing her hair like Addison had been doing, but it was only effective when he was doing it. "You need to try to calm down because this isn't good for you."

Everyone in the room stepped back, allowing Derek to work his magic. Addison watched them both carefully, her brow furrowing as she watched the much younger woman's response to her husband's touch. Meredith was gradually calming down, her body relaxing as his hand ran along her face and hair, his other grasped in hers.

Addison nodded as both heart rates returned to normal. "I think we need to do a C-section."

"No…" Meredith whimpered.

"Meredith…" Addison began, stepping to the other side of the bed.

"Your body's already on overload," Derek whispered, "We don't want you to get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt," he said quietly.

Meredith shook her head, staring up at him. "No…"

He nodded, "You have to…"

"My friends…" she whimpered.

"They're on their way," Addison confirmed.

Meredith paused. She held Derek's hand firmly and squeezed it. He squeezed back as if answering her. She swallowed hard and nodded, her hand lying on her stomach. "Okay, if I need to have the C-section, I'll do it."

Addison sighed in relief, "Alright. Let's get her prepped for surgery."

In a moment, the entire room began to move quickly. Addison left, obviously needing to prepare. With her departure came a number of nurses and orderlies, prepping her. Meredith kept her focus on Derek, not letting go.

Also, with Addison gone, Derek leaned closer, his lips almost pressed to her ear. "I am going to stay until your friends get here, then I am going to need to scrub in." She faintly responded with a 'No', which he ignored. "I am going to be in there while you have your surgery and then immediately after, I'll operate on the baby."

She nodded.

Against her will, Izzie, Cristina, George, and Alex all walked into the room. They were all clearly terrified as they noticed the distress on Meredith's face. Derek stood upright and smiled weakly at her friends.

"She's going into surgery for a C-section. She was in distress."

"I need to be there," Izzie demanded.

Derek shook his head, "I'm sorry, none of you can be there. I'll be there the whole time."

"But…" Cristina stared down at her person.

He nodded, "I know, you feel helpless. But once she's out of surgery, she's going to want you all there. So you can wait in this room if you like and when she's out I'll have someone notify you."

Alex stepped forward and nodded, "Yes, thank you." Cristina, Izzie, and George continued to stare at their friend as she twisted in pain.

"Dr. Shepherd, we need to get her into surgery," a nurse said.

Derek nodded, "Yes, we do."

The orderlies picked Meredith up and placed her onto a gurney. Derek did not let go of her hand. He smiled reassuringly to her friends as he followed Meredith down towards surgery. He hadn't even noticed that they had placed a cap on her head and pushed drugs through her intravenous line. She was now calm against the bedding.

**---**

When Meredith awoke every inch of her body was in pain – but she felt empty. Her hand moved to her stomach unconsciously and felt nothing. She shuttered in disappointment and squint her eyes open. The light in the room was thankfully dark. When she did open her eyes, she noticed Izzie and Cristina curled up on the couch and Alex and George lying in the arm chairs. They were all asleep. Meredith groaned in pain – she could feel where she had been cut open. Her baby, where was her baby?

Meredith sat up quickly – too quickly – and cried out in pain. Izzie and Cristina were up in an instant. They both ran to her sides, taking her hands. George and Alex weren't far behind them. "Where is he? Is he okay?"

"Calm down Meredith," Izzie whispered. "You're going to rip your stitches."

"I don't care…" she groaned, looking up at Cristina. "Where is he?"

Cristina shook her head, "They're still in surgery."

Meredith began to breathe hard, "Oh god…Oh god…"

"Meredith, please calm down," George whispered.

"I can't calm down," she screamed.

In the next moment, a nurse walked into the room, the chart pressed against her side. "Is there a problem in here?" she noticed Meredith's pain. "She just had major surgery – the added stress will not be good for her body."

"We know that!" Izzie yelled.

"Izzie, calm down," Alex pushed.

"No! If one of you people could just give us a freaking update on how her son is, she could calm down and so would I."

Cristina turned, "Yeah! We need an update."

"Excuse me…" the nurse said sternly.

George turned calmly. "Go get an update please. That would be helpful."

The nurse turned, infuriated, but left the room. The four of them turned back to Meredith, who was still struggling.

"Mer…" Izzie said softly.

Alex stepped up closer, his hand resting on Meredith's empty stomach. "You need to calm down or you're going to kill yourself." Meredith looked up at him. "Derek is operating on your baby now and the nurse is going to get an update. You need to calm down."

Meredith nodded, relaxing slightly, tears still trickling from her eyes.

**---**

When Meredith awoke again she felt less disoriented. She could hear voices speaking quietly in the room. She opened her eyes and noticed Derek huddled with her friends, speaking quietly. His arms were folded over his chest and he still had his scrub cap on. Meredith opened her mouth to speak, but she noticed the looks on all of their faces. Izzie was crying – George had tears welling in his eyes – Alex looked beyond angry – Cristina was unreadable. Meredith gasped and everyone turned.

"Mer…" Izzie said through tears.

"Derek?" Meredith looked up, hopeful. He walked to her side, taking her hand in his. He said nothing, just rubbing slow circles across her skin. "Please…tell me…" she whimpered.

Derek took a deep breath. "Meredith…We did…I did everything I could…"

"No!" she called out, her entire body shuttering as tears racked her small frame.

They all watched as Derek climbed onto the bed with her, pulling her into his strong arms. She buried her face in his chest and let go of the most painful cries any of them had ever heard. Derek allowed a few tears to fall down his cheeks and onto her soft hair. Izzie turned into Alex, crying softly. He closed his own eyes. George and Cristina stood close to one another, taking in the pain of the moment.


	13. It Can Be the Worst Pain of All

**I know the last chapter was sad, but it was not done just for a plot twist (even though it does help). I hope you all continue to read this story and enjoy it. There are happier, brighter things on the horizon, I promise.**

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**Chapter Thirteen: It Can Be the Worst Pain of All**

Derek was gone when she awoke but she wasn't surprised. He had wanted children – why would he stay when she didn't have his? Or she did have his, but he died. Meredith rolled to her side slowly. She felt nothing – no pain – no hurt – her body had shut down. The room was completely still and quiet. She lifted her head – and the room was empty. At least something in life was still on her side. All she wanted was to be alone.

Meredith could still hear voices in the hallway, but she pushed them aside. She forced her eyes to close, to forget this day. February 19th would always be known as the worst day in Meredith's life.

The door open and her body went stiff.

The sharp sound of heels moving across the linoleum signaled that Addison was in the room. She came to Meredith's left side, the side she happened to be lying on. Meredith could hear that she was scribbling something across the clipboard. Meredith decided that this was the moment she was going to wake up.

She rolled over and opened her eyes. Addison was bending over her in a second, moving the pen light over her eyes, checking her response. She smiled weakly and sat down next to Meredith. "Derek did what he could. When we pulled your son out, he was severely weakened by the stress from earlier. Derek and the surgical team worked for hours, but…" Meredith rolled her head to the side. "I'm so sorry, Meredith."

She nodded, "Me too."

Addison stood up. "Your friends went to get food. And Derek…He's upset."

"He is…?" Meredith questioned.

"Yes," Addison cleared her throat. "He uh…He'll be back soon."

Meredith nodded, "Okay…"

Addison walked from the room quickly, leaving no trace of her having been there. Her facial expression had been hard to read, but unmistakable to notice. She had been upset and maybe angry. Meredith sighed softly.

The door opened again, and four voices followed the noise. Meredith didn't fake slumber this time. She sat up in the bed, alert and awake. Her body was still numb from head to toe, but she could no longer ignore the situation.

George was next to her first, holding her hand. He said nothing. The others crowded.

"Before anyone asks…I'm not okay. Let's leave it at that."

They all nodded silently.

Meredith lay back against the bed.

"We brought you something to eat…"

She shook her head, "I can't eat."

They all pulled chairs to the sides of Meredith's bed, unwrapping the sandwiches they had bought in the cafeteria. They began to talk about things that didn't matter and Meredith appreciated it. She relaxed and allowed her eyes to fall closed. Of course they knew she wasn't sleeping. Meredith allowed her thoughts to carry her away.

Within moments, the room was completely silent. Meredith opened her eyes and was ready to look at her friends, but when she opened them, she noticed Derek standing by the door. He looked completely broken. One by one, Izzie, Cristina, Meredith, and George got up from their seats and left the room. When they were finally gone, Derek walked across the room to Meredith's side, not touching her.

"Are you in physical pain?" he whispered.

"No," she shook her head. "Are you?"

He also shook his head, "No."

Meredith turned her face away, trying to hold her emotions together. "Where is he?"

Derek swallowed hard, "The morgue."

She whimpered loudly.

Derek was next to her in an instant, pulling her to him like he had when they had first found out. Meredith cried into his embrace for a few moments before composing herself. She pulled away from him and he allowed her. Derek moved his position so he was sitting facing her.

"If you wanted to see him…"

She shook her head, "I can't."

He nodded.

"You saw him…"

"Yes. He looked just like you."

Meredith smiled sadly. "You know I named him…The day when I found out he was a boy…"

Derek took her hand in his. "What is our son's name?"

"Derek…" she said softly, blushing.

He closed his eyes and smiled. "That would have been confusing…"

Meredith laughed softly. "Well, I never expected to see you again, so for me, not confusing."

"True," he agreed. "I told Addison everything."

"You did?"

Derek nodded. "When you were crying before…Addison came in and was confused why I was lying in bed with you. That's why I left. I told her everything."

"What happened?"

"We're filing for divorce tomorrow."

"I'm so sorry Derek," she whispered.

Derek shook his head, "It's not your fault at all, its mine. Furthermore, our marriage was over. I was going to end it anyway. I just wished I hadn't ended it because I had been unfaithful. But she had to know the truth."

Meredith lay back slowly, wincing in pain.

"Do the stitches hurt?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"I'll get you pain medicine."

Meredith didn't object. Derek was only gone for a minute and when he turned he had a needle in his hand. He pushed it into the IV slowly, watching Meredith's face. She could feel her body relaxing, her itching stitches tingling in relief instead.

"Better?"

"Much," she smiled.

"You're being released in a few days…" he whispered.

Meredith nodded.

"After you leave, I want to see you."

She turned to him. "Derek…"

He sighed softly, "Please…"

"I don't know if I can."

"I'm not asking for right away – just, soon."

Meredith shrugged, "I'll try."

Derek's pager rang through the room. He groaned and pulled it from the waistband of his pants, reading the words across the glowing screen. "I have to go. I'll see you before you leave?"

"Of course," she nodded.

He stood up and walked to the door, pausing. He turned back to Meredith. "Our son was absolutely beautiful," he whispered sadly, before leaving. Meredith let out a slight cry, not in physical pain this time.


	14. Keep Movin’ On, and On and On

**This is a longer chapter. I hope you all enjoy it! Again and again, THANK YOU for your amazing comments!!**

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**Chapter Fourteen: Keep Movin' On, and On and On**

The scent of bacon wafted up the staircase, through the cracks of her door and straight into Meredith's nose. She smiled as she stretched against the crimson sheets. Her hair was in disarray and her chocolate brown tank top had stretched from the night's rest, but she didn't care. She slipped her feet into slippers and threw on her red robe – the mornings were still brisk at this time of the year. As she padded down the steps she could hear his cheerful whistling.

After four years Meredith believed that this wake up call would have grown tiresome. Every morning was the same – the scent of something delicious cooking in the kitchen would wake her – she would come downstairs and there he would stand at the stove, a proud grin on his handsome face – and her son would pad to her side only to grasp her legs tight. But Meredith had not become tiresome in any sense of the word. The morning wake up call was a blessing and welcomed with open arms.

Derek stood at the stove in his flannel pajamas pants and tattered tee-shirt; the tee-shirt he used for painting. The small, old radio sat on the countertop, playing a familiar tune. He whistled as he fried the bacon.

Meredith leaned against the doorway, but her presence did not go unnoticed for long. A blonde haired little boy came dashing around the central island.

"Mommy…Mommy…Mommy…" he said happily. He thudded into Meredith's legs, gripping on – his big blue eyes gazed up at his mother with wonder. She smiled softly and leaned over, picking up her little boy. "Daddy's making us 'ancakes and bacon!"

She laughed softly, pressing her nose to his soft hair. He always smelled so sweet. "I know baby. Your daddy's cooking woke mommy up." She tickled him gently just under his ribs.

The little boy squealed in her arms. "Mommy…no!" he gasped for air.

She stopped tickling him and reached up and pushed his hair from his face. Meredith leaned down and pressed a warm kiss to his forehead. "Why don't you go get dressed while Daddy finishes up breakfast and than I'll take you to school?"

He nodded and squirmed from her arms.

Meredith watched as he ran down the hallway and up the stairs. "Derek Christopher…do not run!" She scolded him. He yelled back what sounded like an apology.

She sighed softly and shook her head. A pair of warm hands wrapped around her waist, holding her hips gently. She sighed again but for a completely different reason. Meredith leaned back in his arms, resting her own palms on his. "He never learns does he?" he whispered softly in her ear – making her forget everything else.

"Just like his father…" she whispered in return.

Derek chuckled and pressed a kiss to her neck. "Good morning."

"Good morning," she turned as she whispered. She reached up and cupped his cheek with her left hand, her right resting on his shoulder. Derek smiled down at her, his arms tightly wrapped around her waist. "You should have woken me up earlier," she whispered huskily, full of suggestion.

"Hmm…" he moaned, pressing his lips to hers. The moment was theirs – their lips connected, their tongues drawing lazy patterns in one another's mouths. Meredith shuttered from the sensation his lips upon hers could bring. Derek pulled away, chuckling. "You looked so comfortable in that big bed. I wanted you to get some sleep."

Meredith reached up and kissed him once again. "Yes, but I didn't want to sleep."

His eyes turned dark before her – his hands sliding down to rest on her bottom, pulling her directly against him. "You're very dangerous to be around. You know that, right?"

She nodded innocently. "And you drive me absolutely crazy," she purred.

Derek groaned in frustration. "You're bad." He kissed her nose gently before pulling away. "Now tell me, what is on the agenda today?" He walked back over to the stove, flipping the now crispy bacon.

Meredith walked to the coffee pot. She lifted the pot while simultaneously pouring the dark liquid into the mug. "I'm taking Derek to school and then I have class. I should be out right in time to get him. Tonight I need to study, so if you could put him to bed tonight after work…"

"Not a problem," Derek smiled.

She leaned over, her hand resting on his shoulder. Derek turned and smiled. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers once again. The sound of feet clomping down the stairs pulled them both away from their blissful moment. Little Derek ran into the room and right to Meredith's legs. She picked him up and kissed his cheeks gently. Derek ruffled his son's hair. It was another perfect day in-

Meredith woke up with a start – sitting up straight in bed. Her breathing was normal and her pulse steady, but her head was spinning and her heart was pumping in pain. The rain of the late-April morning beat against the window panes. Meredith glanced at the clock once – 3:42 A.M. – and rolled over in her bed. She pulled the covers over her head. She didn't need this today.

**---**

When she awoke again Meredith groaned – someone was in the kitchen. She could hear the sound of bags being set around the room and a voice chatting on the phone. Of course it was Izzie. Meredith sighed and rolled over in bed, only to pull herself from the soft mattress. The front door was wide open – Meredith simply rolled her eyes and continued on into the kitchen.

Every surface, or so it seemed, was covered with brown paper bags filled with groceries. Izzie was pulling items from bags, setting them on the counter. Cans of soup, boxes upon boxes of crackers, bags of chips, sodas, even a bag of miniature chocolates were laid across the table. Izzie turned a gallon of milk in her hands.

"Oh Mer, you're awake!" she smiled.

"Yeah…" she nodded, walking into the room. "And you went grocery shopping…"

Izzie placed the milk in the refrigerator. "Well, I came over yesterday while you were napping and noticed you had nothing, so I picked a few things up." She smiled. "Oh, but don't worry, it's nothing you have to cook – just open and enjoy."

"Izzie…It's seven-thirty in the morning – Where do you find a grocery store open so early?"

"That one by the college is open twenty-four hours," she said, obviously proud of herself.

Meredith groaned, grabbing a mug and pouring coffee Izzie had obviously made into the mug.

"Mer…you needed food."

"That's why pizza places deliver, Iz."

Izzie turned and glared at Meredith, "You can't live off of pizza. You need nutrients."

"I've lived almost twenty-three years with no nutrients, I'm fine."

"Can you just say thank you, ever?" she snapped.

Meredith paused mid-sip and lowered her mug, shock written across her face.

"I'm sorry. I just…I try so hard to make things easier for you and all you ever do is complain about everything. It would be nice to hear a simple thank you every now and then."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered.

Izzie nodded, "You're welcome. Now, want me to make you something for breakfast?"

Meredith was about to say no, but the look on Izzie's face was so hopeful. She sat down at the center island and forced a smile onto her lips. "Yeah, of course."

**---**

"I hate you," she sneered into the phone.

"She went to your place, didn't she?" Alex asked from the other line.

Meredith sighed and flopped back against the couch. "Yes, and she brought groceries! Then, she guilt me into breakfast! I have never eaten that much food in my entire life."

"I'm so sorry, Mer. I couldn't stop her – she was out the door even before I could ask where she was going."

"I still hate you."

Alex chuckled, "I figured as much. Can I make it better?"

"What did you have in mind?" she smiled.

"I'll pick you up at nine – be ready to do some major drinking."

Meredith beamed, "Excellent. I'm bringing Cristina."

"I'll see you at nine."

**---**

The local dive, Freddy's on Fifth, had been a hot spot for the college crowd since it's opening in 1984 – it was located directly across from the college. Meredith had not stepped foot in a bar since the night of her graduation, almost a year before. The entrance was long overdue. The owner of the bar, Ben, had known Meredith, Cristina, Alex, George, and Izzie since the day they began college at Harvard. He knew they were underage, but served them as long as they promised to not let anyone in on this little secret. Ben had also gotten to know Meredith very well – Meredith missed him.

The second Meredith entered Freddy's it was as if Ben knew. He turned from behind the bar and locked eyes with Meredith – they both smiled wide. Ben came out from behind the bar and Meredith walked briskly to him. He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her from the floor.

Neither felt anything for one another beyond the utmost respect. Ben had been married for nearly four years and Meredith had never wanted anything further than unfailing friendship.

Meredith smiled against his shoulder, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too." He pulled back and set her on her feet, his face sullen. "I heard…I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

She shook her head, "No, but tequila would really help."

"That's my girl."

Cristina and Meredith sat down at the bar while Alex walked to a few friends sitting at a nearby table. Izzie and George had skipped the night out because of an exam they had on Monday – which Meredith understood. Plus, she was planning on drinking more than her fair share and Izzie and George always got nervous that she would do something stupid – especially lately. She didn't need a baby sitter.

Four double shots of tequila were set before the women, no lime, and no salt. Ben just smirked and stayed close, knowing they would throw the shots back before he even had time to cross the bar once.

Meredith raised her glass and smiled. "To moving on…"

Cristina clinked her glass, "Moving on…" she agreed.

In no time, and four double shots each, they were both happily drunk and feeling chatty. Meredith was practically laying her upper body against the bar top while Cristina spouted about her latest male problem. "…he just doesn't get it, you know? I'm not looking for marriage…I'm looking for decent sex."

"Here – Here…" Meredith raised her empty glass, only to frown.

"I'm not even in my mid-twenties, why rush into marriage and kids and all that?"

"Here – Here…" Meredith said again. "Ben…more drinks!" she yelled, only to be ignored.

Cristina sighed. "I mean, you got knocked up and then…we all know what happened. We're just too young for all of that. We're supposed to be drunk off of tequila and screwing boys like whores, right?"

Meredith nodded dramatically, "Oh yes, tequila and sex!" she yelled.

"You're very drunk, whore." Cristina grumbled.

She sat upright, "You drank as much as me!"

"Yes, but you're a lightweight now. That's what you get for not drinking for eleven months."

"Um…I was pregnant…What the hell do you expect?" she yelled.

Cristina rolled her eyes, "Whatever."

Meredith sighed, "I have to pee."

"You go…I'm going to wait and try to get more from Ben."

"Oh, good plan. Offer him sex…"

Cristina nodded seriously, "Okay."

Meredith stood up from the bar stool and walked across the bar. Alex smiled at her and winked. She simply smiled back before walking down the dark hallway to the bathroom. She locked herself in a stall for a few moments, taking cleansing breaths. She was not going to vomit, she told herself – she would never live it down. After a few moments, Meredith got up and walked from the stall. She splashed water across her face and felt relieved. Meredith stepped from the bathroom only to hit a hard body.

"Oh, sorry…" she mumbled in apology, looking up. Her eyes met the bluest eyes she had ever seen – blue eyes that she already knew.

"Meredith…" he whispered.


	15. Put It Back Together

**The comments on the last few chapters have been wonderful! Thank you all so much for your continuing interest and enjoyment of this story. I hope you like this update, because it's one of my favorites of the story! :)**

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**Chapter Fifteen: Put It Back Together**

"So why did you agree to this?" Cristina asked absently as she lay across Meredith's bed.

Meredith fluttered around the room, adjusting her clothes and hair, drawing on careful lines of make up. She glanced long and hard into the mirror – Derek had said that they were just going to go to a local Italian restaurant for dinner, nothing that she needed to get dressed up for. She threw on a simply pair of black pants with a white button up on top…Comfortable – Casual.

"I was drunk when he asked me…" she sighed. "Plus, I told him that we would still talk after…Well, after what happened. I'm not going to go back on my word."

"You do know you're just setting yourself up for disaster, right? I mean he's the father of your deceased child…This is just going to erupt in flames."

Meredith turned and glared. "Why are you even here? The last thing I need is someone to make me even more nervous. Do you even remember the last time I was on a date?" Meredith paused, giving Cristina time to think. "Six years ago when Seth first asked me out and we all know how that went. So please, for me, be nice and stop making me nervous."

"Fine…Fine…" Cristina rolled her eyes. "Where is he taking you?"

"I'm not sure…I think he said Italian."

Cristina sat up. "Don't get anything with a red sauce…You'll probably spill it on your shirt."

Meredith raised her eyebrow to her own reflection and turned a bit. "You're giving me advice?"

"Who wears white to an Italian restaurant?" she grumbled. "Don't bring up the kid…If he brings it up, than you can talk about it, but if he doesn't, you can't. Oh, and do _not_ talk about Seth…Derek doesn't care."

"Anything else?" she said mockingly.

Cristina shrugged, "Nope that should be it. I'm going because I don't want to have a moment with McDreamy," she rolled her eyes. "Be safe – and by that I mean wear a condom this time."

Meredith's jaw dropped in shock, "I am not sleeping with him again!"

"Uh huh…Sure…"

Cristina left, leaving Meredith to her thoughts. She sighed deeply a few times, trying to relieve the pressure she felt building on her chest. She knew that being nervous would not make anything better, but she knew the second Derek and herself were alone memories would come screaming back. She closed her eyes trying to regulate her breathing. A few swift knocks to the door pulled her from her state of mind. It was now or never.

Meredith walked down the steps, trying to pull on lavender flats as she went. She tripped once and clutched onto the railing to keep from falling. She groaned at the sight of her wrist – it was definitely going to bruise. Meredith fluffed her hair and smoothed down her shirt before opening the door.

Derek stood confidently on the other side. He looked good in his chocolate brown pants and dark blue button-up shirt. Meredith basked for a moment in his stare. They both let out sighs at once before Derek smiled wide. "Hi."

"Hi," she smiled back.

"Are you ready?"

Meredith grabbed her purse from the foyer table and nodded. "Yes, let's go."

Derek led Meredith to his black SUV and helped her into her seat. He jogged to his side and climbed in. They were both silent for the entire length of the car ride – the restaurant was only a five minute drive away. Even for a casual Italian dining restaurant, Valets were ready and willing to park the cars. Meredith and Derek both climbed from the car. Derek met her on her side and escorted her into the restaurant.

For years Meredith had driven past Don Pepino's Restaurant but never once had she entered. The hostess sat them immediately at a table towards the back of the dimly lit restaurant. Small votive candles were placed atop each of the tables – twinkling light into the room. Derek held out Meredith's chair as she sat and he moved to the other seat – only a foot and a half left from her.

"This place is nice," she remarked.

Derek nodded, "Yes, Addison and I…" he sighed. "Never mind."

"No, it's fine. You can talk about her."

"Thank you for your understanding," he smiled appreciatively, "But I don't want to talk about her, so I'll stop now."

Meredith nodded, "Okay."

A waitress approached the table, a small smile on her face. She immediately began speaking to Derek about wine choices and the specials, never once glancing to Meredith. This was to be expected, she thought. Plus, he was probably a good tipper and if he had been here before, the waitresses must know that.

Derek cut her off though mid-speech. "We'll take your finest bottle of Chianti."

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," she flirted. "I'll give you a few minutes to decide."

The waitress walked off and Derek rolled his eyes in Meredith's direction. She laughed softly and glanced back down at her menu. Chicken Parmesan, red sauce…Big no-no. Clams Casino…Too small – shellfish, unappetizing to a date. Fettuccine alfredo, too fatty. She sighed – dating was hard.

Derek smiled, "What are you thinking about getting?"

"Well, Cristina told me nothing in a red sauce because I was bound to spill on myself, so…"

He chuckled lightly, "Why not something in an alfredo sauce?"

She shrugged. "It's a fatty sauce – dates judge girls who eat fatty."

He chuckled even louder and shook his head. "Meredith, get whatever you like. I will not judge you," he promised.

After a few minutes of internal battle, the waitress returned with the bottle of wine open and breathing, ready to be poured. She served Meredith first, slightly glaring at her before turning to Derek, smiling sweetly. Meredith rolled her eyes, and Derek noticed. He laughed softly. The waitress took both of their orders; Meredith's being a house salad and Fettuccine alfredo and Derek's being a salad also and eggplant parmesan.

When the waitress left, Meredith turned to Derek. "She's desperate for you."

Derek shook his head. "Her name is Maria. She's been working here for…Well, as long as I've been coming here. She knows about the divorce so she thinks she is a shoe in."

Meredith swallowed at the word divorce. "So, you're really divorced…?"

"Yeah, it was finalized mid-March."

"Are you happy?"

"Happier," he smiled.

"Then good," she smiled back.

Derek eyed her seriously. "I'm sorry for not calling after everything. It was too…"

"…hard. I know."

He sighed in relief. "I'm glad you noticed that, too. I thought about calling a few times, honestly. But each time I picked up my phone, I realized I had no idea what I would say to you when you picked up. So, until I had something to say, I wasn't going to call."

"Really, it's fine. I had nothing to say either."

"Are you okay? I know everyone probably asks you that daily, but are you?"

Meredith smiled weakly. "Everyone does ask…and I'm not okay, but I will be…Someday…"

"Me too," he whispered.

Derek stared into Meredith's eyes in that moment. The look in his eyes said a million words while his lips failed to move. Meredith allowed a shaky breath to pass her lips. She could see the pain in his eyes – the same pain she saw when she looked into the mirror. In the months since losing her son, Meredith had never let her mind go to this dark place, but that was exactly where Derek's mind was. He reached out and took her hand in a soothing gesture. Meredith allowed a shuttering cry escape her lips, tears welling in her eyes.

The moment could have lasted all night, but Maria, the overly happy waitress, returned with their salads. She did not appear very happy to see Derek holding Meredith's hand. Derek rubbed his thumb along her hand – thanking Maria for the plates. Derek pulled his hand away and nodded, silently telling her the moment was in the past.

They ate their salads silently. Derek pushed his plate away as he finished and wiped the corner of his mouth with his white, cloth napkin. Meredith followed in suite, sitting back in her chair.

"I think this is a little unfair," Derek remarked.

Meredith rose her eyebrow in question, "What's unfair?"

"Well, you know my past with relationships, yet I don't know yours."

"You never asked," she said pointedly.

He nodded, "Well yes, but it's rude to ask."

Meredith giggled, "And it's less rude now?"

"No, but now I am very curious."

She rolled her eyes. "It's very uninteresting."

"I beg to differ…Plus, it can't be as bad as being divorced."

"True," she nodded. Derek watched her carefully, ignoring Maria as she picked up the now empty salad plates and mumbled something about dinner coming out quickly. Meredith took one cleansing breath. "You really want to hear about my crappy past relationship?"

Derek nodded, "Yes – that is if you're willing to tell me."

"I started dating Seth my sophomore year of high school," she began. "We went to private school right outside Boston, Perkins Day School. We were inseparable," she mused. "We both went away to school together – Harvard."

"Impressive," Derek nodded.

Meredith shrugged, "I guess so. But when we got to school, things…Changed. He was an engineering major and I was pre-med. He ended up meeting a group of guys in a few of his classes and spent a lot of time with them while I spent most of my time with my new friends."

"Izzie, Cristina, Alex, and George…" Derek added.

"Exactly – We began to drift apart. Then, summer going into our senior year we decided to go away for the weekend, try to fix what we had slowly ruined. We went to his parent's house on Martha's Vineyard. Everything was perfect. When we came back to school, we promised to spend a lot of time together…And we did for a while," she sighed.

She laughed bitterly. "I came home one day after work – Seth lived in the house with Izzie, George, and I. On the foyer table was a note from him. Seth liked to write me notes. Usually they just said how beautiful he thought I was, or how much he loved me, so I just ignored it. Seth came home a while later and he looked terrible. Of course I asked him what happened and he asked if I had read the note he left. I had forgotten. He handed me the note and I read it," she stopped.

"What did it say…?"

Meredith shook her head, biting on her bottom lip. Maria returned with their dinners, setting them before each of them. She politely asked if they needed anything else. Derek shook his head no and turned back to Meredith. She stared absently at her plate.

"He cheated on me…" she looked up. "He said that he needed to leave for a while and figure things out." She shrugged.

"When was this?"

She shook her head, "Right before graduation….Right before I met you…It doesn't matter."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be…"

Derek nodded silently.

Meredith ran her fork across her pasta while Derek ran his fork across his eggplant. Neither of them even attempted to eat. Derek sighed. "Okay, happier subject?" he asked hopeful.

She nodded and smiled softly, "Yes please."

Their conversation became light and comfortable as they began to slowly eat their meals. In minutes, they were both smiling and laughing, enjoying one another's company. By the time they finished their meals, they were both ready to leave. Meredith refused Derek's offer of dessert and tried to offer to pay for half the bill, which he in turn refused.

**---**

Derek pulled up to the house after the short drive, shifting the SUV into park and turning to face Meredith. She smiled back at him. "I had a really nice time, Meredith. And I'm sorry for losing touch. I won't let it happen again," he promised.

"Derek…" she paused, "Can I show you something?"

He nodded, slightly confused. "Of course."

**---**

They stood at the end of the hallway, the dark wooden door closed in front of them. Derek watched Meredith's thoughtful face. She sighed and nodded to herself. Meredith twisted the knob and allowed the door to swing open. She just glanced over at Derek before turning her attention back to the room.

Derek stepped through the threshold and into the dimly lit room. From behind him, Meredith flipped on the light switch, illuminating the room. The pristine white walls were touched first by the single light bulb hanging in the ceiling fan. Against the furthest wall, a light wooden crib was set up – soft looking blue linens were smoothed over the mattress. Under the double windows to the left was a changing table – stocked with diapers, baby powder and oil. A dark blue overstuffed arm chair was next to the crib. Piles and piles of toys sat in the bottom of the door-less closet and onesies were piled on shelves. Derek took in every image he could of the room before turning to Meredith.

She had her arms crossed under her chest as she leaned against the door frame. Her eyes were focused on the ground and Derek suspected she had yet to look up into the room. "It's a nursery," he remarked.

Meredith nodded, glancing up for a second. "Every time," she cleared her throat. "Every time I passed Babies 'R Us I went in and bought something. Within five months..." she motioned to the full room, "…I had all of this."

"You…" he sighed, glancing around the room. Derek shook his head.

"I'm going to sell it all."

He quickly turned around, facing Meredith.

"I can't…" she whispered. "I can't see this door everyday, or see all the things in here…"

"I get it," he nodded.

Meredith sighed sadly, "Dammit…"

Derek was in front of her in one step and pulled her into his arms in the next. Meredith clutched his shoulders as the tears washed over her, cascading down her face. Derek held her tightly as her small body shook in his arms. She whimpered softly as every ounce of emotion from the last year was released in one moment. Derek's fingers moved slowly down her hair, stroking each string of it, or so it felt. Within minutes, her crying stopped, but she continued to hold onto Derek with all her strength. Derek whispered, "Shh…" into her ear, effectively calming her.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head, pulling back. He cupped her cheeks in his palms. "Never, ever apologize for this, you hear me?" She nodded sadly.

Maybe it was the closeness of his body, or the way he smelt, but in that moment, despite all of her sadness, she reached up and pressed her lips to his.


	16. And the World Spins Madly On

**Fluffy chapter. Enjoy! Rated R for some 'adult' themes. Read at your own discretion. **

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**Chapter Sixteen: And the World Spins Madly On**

His hands were gentle, much gentler than she had remembered. His lips dotted a line across her bare stomach – his tongue dipping into her belly button. His lips paused along the faint scar that ran along her belly - the very scar that bitterly reminded her of the turmoil she had faced only a few brief months before. She could see her skin shaking. His hands moved up her arms and down her chest, pausing, just for a moment, to massage her aching breasts. His eyes met her reassuringly as his tongue continued to sooth the skin that no longer physically ached, but ached just the same. She whimpered, but not in distress, in pleasure. His eyes had turned dark from the moment her lips touched his, and now, as they lay naked, him on top of her, they were smoldering.

She closed her eyes, her other senses heightening. She could smell the sweat forming across their skin. She could hear his breathing, deep and shallow in his chest. She could also hear her own breathing, much more erratic. She could still taste his lips against hers, his tongue passing into the warm cavern of her mouth. And she could feel his hands exploring her body with gentle sureness…

The lights in the room were nonexistent…The only source of light was from the streetlamp directly outside her window. Most nights, she hated this lamp – its brightness kept her awake, but tonight, the light shined through the Venetian blinds casting light and dark stripes against everything – especially against his face. She reached up with unsteady hands to cup his cheek. He smiled then, and the world began to spin. He pressed his weight atop her, pushing her to sink deeper into the mattress. Neither moved, just holding one another, enjoying the steady moment of silence. Meredith's toes pressed against his ankles, his body nestled between her open thighs.

Their bodies joined in the silence. Not a word needed to be spoken between them – they had said all they wanted, all they needed – they felt comfort in the silence of the room. She braced herself against the headboard; her palms flat against the wooden surface. He moved fluidly against her – her hips rising to meet his powerful thrusts. Nothing in the world felt better than this. Meredith had always been vocal, but more to be helpful to her partner. But with Derek, she couldn't even imagine holding in the pants, sighs, whimpers and screams that passed her lips. Derek also seemed just as unrestrained when it came to voicing how wonderful she made him feel.

In a short amount of time everything began to slip past her quickly. Her head was spinning and she was trying to hold on – trying to hold on just a moment longer. She gasped into the air; her body began to shake with tremendous force. He held onto her hips, pulling her up to meet the heights he was bringing her body to. They both moaned, his face lowering to press to her chest. Meredith gripped his hair near the root just as her body released into its own urges as his did as well.

Finally, the world began to stop.

**---**

The room smelled like bacon when she awoke. Meredith rolled over in her bed, her muscles screaming in ache from the night's activities. She knew it wasn't a dream, and she was glad, but a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that this was wrong. Meredith sat up, covering herself with the sheet. He wasn't in the room.

She slipped into her red robe, tying it tight around her body. Meredith walked from the room and down the hallway, only to pass the nursery. She pulled the door shut and continued on. As she approached the kitchen she could hear voices. This was like her dream all over again…Except it wasn't a dream…It was reality. Meredith stepped so she could see into the kitchen. Derek stood at the stove like she had imagined so many times. But instead of a beautiful blonde haired boy, Izzie sat at the center island.

Meredith stood there like a voyeur for the longest time. They spoke about nothing of importance, prattling on about the different fields of medicine and the pros and cons of each. Izzie seemed enamored with the man standing before her. Derek was charming, smart…His charms clearly worked on most of the population of women. Meredith cleared her throat during an intermission of their words, calling attention to her presence.

Both Izzie and Derek turned, both smiling. They turned back to one another and Derek stepped back from the cooking bacon. He handed the spatula to Izzie and nodded. "I'm going to go shower." He crossed the room and paused before Meredith. She looked up at him curiously. "You look beautiful," he whispered into her ear, his breath fanning across her skin, before leaving the room.

The moment the door shut upstairs Izzie turned to Meredith with an overly dramatic look on her face. Meredith just shook her head and walked straight for the coffee. Izzie stared at Meredith, obviously waiting for an explanation. Meredith turned, "What?" she asked before turning around and walking to pick up the newspaper that sat on the table.

Izzie followed behind Meredith. "Oh no…No avoiding – Derek is in your house, in the morning…"

"So? Anyway, you're in my house, in the morning…"

"Yes, but I'm here to check up on you…Make sure you're okay."

"And how do you know Derek wasn't doing just that?"

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Don't lie to me. Plus, I'm not your mother; I'm not going to scold you. I just want to know what led to Derek sleeping over last night."

Meredith shrugged. "It was nothing."

"You two slept together, right?"

Meredith glared at her, sipping her coffee.

"Did you use a condom this time?" Izzie whispered.

"Oh my god…What happened to you not being my mother?"

"I'm just…Asking…"

She shook her head. "Izzie, Derek and I went to dinner. He came back and I wanted to show him something."

Izzie laughed slightly, "Your vagina?"

Meredith turned quickly.

"I'm kidding, jeez…What did you want to show him?"

"None of your business."

"I was kidding Mer. Now come on…Tell me."

Meredith set down her coffee mug. "Fine…I turned the guest bedroom into a nursery for the baby. I wanted to show it to Derek. I did…It was, emotional or whatever and I ended up kissing him. The rest is definitely none of your business."

Izzie raised her hands and nodded. "I don't want to know the rest, thank you," she paused. "You made a nursery?"

"Yes, I did. Can we drop it?"

"Yes…but…"

Meredith groaned, "What?"

"Can I see it?"

"Sure…When I'm not around. I don't want to go in there until I'm ready to sell everything," she nodded. "Now…The shower stopped so I am going back upstairs. Thank you for checking up on me, but it's really unnecessary."

Izzie nodded, "I know. I just…Worry."

Meredith smiled, "Don't, seriously…I'm okay."

"I'll see you on Sunday for brunch?"

"Of course," Meredith grinned.

"If Derek's still around, bring him," she smirked.

Meredith shook her head and laughed softly before ascending the stairs. She paused at her own door, sighing slightly to build confidence. She opened the door and paused. Derek had a towel wrapped tightly around his waist, his black dotted with water droplets – he used another towel to dry his hair. Meredith felt a wave of heat move across her body and then he turned. He caught her looking and smiled.

"S-sorry that took so long – Izzie's kind of demanding."

"Its fine," he shrugged. "I was in the shower anyway. I had to use your shampoo," he smirked.

Meredith smiled back. "You'll smell like flowers all day."

"I like it," he confirmed.

She blushed slightly and walked a bit further into the room as to shut the door behind her. Derek walked to his clothes from the night before and pulled them on carefully, watching Meredith from the corner of his eye. Meredith sat down on the bed, crossing her legs beneath her, slowly sipping at her coffee.

After Derek dressed, he sat down next to her and reached his hand out. She passed him the mug which he took a sip out of. He handed the cup back. "What are you thinking about?" he whispered.

Meredith turned her head just slightly to glance at him and then turned back to staring at the dark spot in the wooden floor. "Everything…Nothing…" she debated out loud.

"It's a lot to think about," he agreed.

"So…You're freaking out too," she asked hopeful.

Derek nodded, "A little, yeah. I think…I think we should just think on all of this. It's a lot and we had something big happen between us and we lost…him. I just don't want to rush into anything."

"Oh thank god," she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Feel better?" he chuckled.

Meredith nodded, "Much."

Derek ran his hand over her lower thigh and to her knee. "I have to work soon."

She sat up straight. "Yeah…"

"Do you want me to call you, or...?"

"Yeah…That'd be good," she confirmed.

Derek smiled and leaned into her. He cupped her cheek with his right hand and dragged his thumb across her smooth skin. His lips lowered to hers. Meredith wasted no time in kissing him back. For minutes they enjoyed long, dredging kisses. Meredith's left hand held onto Derek's wrist as he continued to cup her cheek. But a moment later, their lips parted and their forehead's pressed together.

"This wasn't in the cards, was it?" he joked.

Meredith shook her head and giggled, "No, it wasn't."

Derek pulled back and smiled. "I should go."

"Okay," she nodded.

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead and then stood up. "I'll call you."

Derek smirked at her and winked before walking to the door. He opened it and paused once more before walking out. Meredith groaned, allowing a smile to tug across her lips. She fell back against the mattress, allowing her body to relax. The world began to spin again…


	17. Where Do We Go From Here?

**Not much to stay besides thank you for your comments! xo**

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**Chapter Seventeen: Where Do We Go From Here? **

The spread for Sunday brunch was considerably larger this Sunday and Meredith hoped and prayed that it had nothing to do with Derek – Considering he wasn't even there. Izzie couldn't hide the disappointment on her face when she opened the door for Meredith and she was alone. Meredith just ignored the expression and passed, making her way into the house. But now, as she stood in the kitchen, she noticed the amount of food spread out along the counters and the table. Also, the dining room table was set – They never ate at the dining room table.

Izzie walked back into the room, an apron tied around her waist, which Meredith had missed before. She opened the stove and pulled out a cedar plank of freshly pink salmon. Meredith turned to Alex and raised her eyebrow. He simply shook his head and shrugged.

The door bell rang and Izzie looked up to Alex, setting down the salmon. "Can you please get that?" she asked.

Alex walked from the room and Meredith took this time to question Izzie. "What's with all the food?"

"It's brunch…" Izzie said.

"Yes, but salmon and the dining room? You never do it up this much."

Izzie did not even look at Meredith. "I decided to spice things up."

"You thought Derek was coming, didn't you?"

She turned, her face softening. "Why didn't he? I know you didn't say he was coming for sure, but I kind of thought he would." She said quickly, "And I'm not mad…I just, I wanted him to join us, you know?"

Meredith shrugged. "Derek and I are in a weird place. I'm not going to start inviting him to our weekly brunch. We're not ready for that. Hell, I'm not ready for that."

Alex's voice began to grow louder as he approached the kitchen. Meredith shot Izzie a look and she nodded, understanding Meredith's request to keep quiet about the event Izzie semi-witnessed. George and Cristina walked into the room, chatting with Alex. Cristina went directly to the refrigerator and pulled out pre-made mimosas, which she poured for everyone.

Meredith greeted both of them, keeping small talk light. Cristina was the first of the two to notice the plethora of food. She paused and quirked her eyebrow, "What's with all the food?"

"I just wanted to make it nicer today, okay?" Izzie did not even try to keep her emotions in check. George looked up at her quizzically. "Sorry…I'm just trying to do something nice…Spice things up…"

George smiled, "I think it's nice."

"Me too," Alex chimed in.

Meredith smiled thankfully to Alex, realizing he probably already knew.

As Izzie finished the meal, the rest of them carried the food items into the decorated dining room. Cristina still seemed skeptical over the whole thing, but never once questioned Izzie's motives again. Izzie came to the table, sitting at one end while Alex sat at the other. Meredith and Cristina sat across from one another like usual. Brunch commenced as it did every Sunday.

Meredith allowed her nerves to slip away. It wasn't as if she didn't want her friends to know – she just wanted to know what it all meant before rushing to tell them. She wanted her and Derek to be able to figure out what their messy relationship really was. Meredith noticed Cristina eying her before her thoughts began to carry her away. She stared back at her person with a deer in headlights look.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Meredith defended.

Cristina shook her head, "Just tell me. You know I'll find out anyway."

Meredith shrugged casually, "There's nothing to tell." Her eyes darted to Izzie quickly.

"Okay…You're looking to Izzie for help," she noted, "Tell me."

She sighed softly and set her fork down. "It's nothing bad…"

"Then it shouldn't be a big deal to tell."

"Just let it alone," Izzie tried.

Cristina shook her head, "Izzie knows – Which means Alex knows. Does George know?"

"Know what?" he asked Meredith.

"Izzie only knows because she happened to be there. I didn't tell her."

"I don't care why she knows. Just tell me…" she said.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Not like it's any of your business or anyone else's really…And I was going to tell you but after I figured out…But…" she sighed. "Derek and I went out the other night and we slept together again."

Alex and Izzie continued on with their meal, casually looking up to watch Cristina and George's reaction. Meredith studied her friends though, looking for a reaction. Cristina simply turned back to her meal, poking at it and mixing items together. George on the other hand stared straight at Meredith.

"Did you use a condom?" George asked.

"Oh jeez, O'Malley…" Alex groaned.

George shrugged, "Well…"

"Yes, I used a condom. I'm not stupid."

"You were last time," Cristina pointed out.

Meredith shook her head. "This is why I didn't want to tell anyone."

"Why? Because we were going to ask you if you were safe?"

"No…Because you're judging me."

George shook his head, "I'm not."

"Me neither…" Cristina chimed in, "I don't care who you sleep with."

Meredith glanced over to Izzie and Alex, who were both very quiet. "So, you all don't think it was a mistake?" She looked at each one of her friends looking for any kind of response.

They all paid little attention to her before George looked up. He was smiling warmly. "I don't think it was. You two obviously have feelings for each other. As long as he doesn't have another secret wife, than I say go for it."

She deflated slightly and smiled, "Thank you, George," she whispered.

Cristina looked up and polished off her mimosa. "Well, if we're going to get all emotional and in share mode…I'm engaged."

**---**

Meredith pulled up to her house, her mind still racing. Cristina Yang – the same Cristina Yang that said no man would define who she was and she would never fold under the pressures men layout – had agreed to marry a thirty-two year old doctor at the very same hospital Derek worked at. Meredith wondered if Derek knew Dr. Burke. She quickly cleared her thoughts and tried to focus on the bomb that was dropped just an hour before. She had to admit, she was thankful. As soon as Cristina released her big announcement, everyone completely forgot about Meredith and Derek's night between the sheets and moved onto the 'bigger' news. But even though she was happy the focus was off of her, Meredith still couldn't even grasp the concept of Cristina getting married.

Thankfully, George had left to go to his parent's house, leaving Meredith alone. She pulled herself from her car and slowly marched up her steps. The newspaper lay haphazardly on the wooden porch and the mail was stuffed in the mailbox – but Meredith walked past everything else. Her mind was too full to even begin to read the paper or sift through mail.

But a shifting from her right pulled her glance up.

Derek stood up from the porch swing he was sitting on, a shy smirk on his handsome face. Meredith said nothing as he approached her – but she could not wipe the shocked expression away from her face.

"So, I was home and thought about what happened the other night…" Meredith felt her stomach turn into knots. "…and I realized that it was not just about the sex." He smiled wide. "I also realized that I want to see you, often. And today is Sunday, which is my day off, so I think we should do something, together."

Meredith just stood there, her bag pulled close to her body.

"Plus, it's my birthday, so you can't say no," he grinned.

"Your…It's your birthday?" she questioned with a smile.

Derek nodded happily. "Would you like to do something with me today?"

"Uh…" Meredith looked around, almost searching for someone's help before she nodded.

"Ready to go now?" he asked hopefully.

Meredith simply nodded again.

**---**

Derek and Meredith sat along the Charles River which separates Boston from Cambridge. The small bench they sat on overlooked the river and onto the skyline of Boston. Bikers, runners, and leisurely strollers passed by without a single glance. Meredith noticed that Derek's thigh was pressed to hers, but she tried to ignore the warmth resonating from him.

"My mom wanted me to come home for my birthday. But what thirty-two year old goes home for their birthday?" he said lightly, his eyes focused on the flowing water.

Meredith turned. She stared at him, the line of his strong jaw, the stubble that was dusted along his skin. His nose was slightly crocked. His eyes, the bluest she had seen. She couldn't deny how wildly attractive he was. She sighed softly though, her mind wandering to a place she didn't want it to go. "I wish my mom even remembered my birthday."

Derek turned this time. His firm brow turned down in upset, his eyes soft with emotion. "What do you mean?"

She shook her head, turning away from his gaze. "Nothing, never mind…"

"Meredith…" he said softly, taking her hand.

She stared at their hands intertwined and looked back up at him.

"You can tell me," his thumb moved across her skin.

Meredith thought deeply about his words - they were supportive, kind. She shouldn't feel so comfortable to tell him about her long, sorted past with her mother. In fact, no one knew about her awful relationship with her mother, not even Cristina. But in the moment, she knew she could tell him exactly what she was thinking.

"My mom told me to never speak to her again because I decided to keep the baby," she said quickly, not even sure if she spoke the words.

Derek immediately pulled his hand away. Meredith clasped her hands together, looking down into her lap. She didn't notice as Derek ran his hand across his face and down his jaw. He expelled a breath and moved his hand back to her clasped ones. She closed her eyes tightly and nodded.

"Does she know what happened?"

"No," Meredith whispered.

"She doesn't sound like she deserves to know."

Meredith chuckled softly and shook her head, "No, she doesn't." She looked up, still wearing a slight smile. "Plus, I like to think about how mad she is right now."

Derek laughed softly, "She's probably cursing your name."

"Oh, she definitely is."

"I am sorry, you know," he said seriously. "I had no idea that you had a bad relationship with your mother. I mean, I don't know anything about your family…I just never thought that you would have had a bad relationship with her."

Meredith shrugged and nodded. "I'm used to it."

"What about your dad?"

"Can we just…not talk about my family?"

Derek nodded, "Yeah, I get it. I'm sorry."

"What about your family?"

"Nothing important," he smiled. "Now, what do you want to do?"

Meredith shrugged, looking out to the water. "It's about dinner time…"

Derek stood up and held his hand out to Meredith, "Let's go."

**---**

"I had a really nice time," Derek said as he walked Meredith to her door.

Meredith smiled, her arms crossed under her chest, "Me too."

"I think we should do it again sometime," he suggested.

"What are we doing, Derek?" she asked as she stopped in her tracks.

"I think people call it dating."

Meredith nodded, eyeing him carefully, "Dating…?"

Derek took a step closer, "Well, we did already have a child."

She laughed softly and nodded. "Would you like to maybe come in, or-"

"Meredith?" a voice called from the porch.

Derek and Meredith turned to where the voice came from. An attractive man stood in front of the door, pausing before walking surely down the steps. "Sorry to interrupt," he said politely, eyeing up Derek. "Hi, I'm Seth Morgan," he held his hand out to Derek.

"Derek Shepherd," he nodded back before turning to Meredith.

Seth also looked over at Meredith, "Could we talk?"

"Uh…" she was lost for words.

"Just a minute," he nodded.

Meredith turned to Derek, her face reading how nervous she was. Derek smiled and reached to squeeze her hand once. "I'll call you later?"

She nodded, "Please do."

Derek looked back over to Seth once before walking back to his car.

Meredith sighed and began to walk to her front door, Seth followed.


	18. Decisions to Make

**A few of you are confused about Seth and who he is. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. Seth is Meredith's ex-boyfriend who cheated on her after being together for five years. He left right before graduation, hence Meredith going to the bar and drinking and meeting Derek.**

**Only four more updates left. Enjoy!  
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**Chapter Eighteen: Decisions to Make **

"You look good," Seth said as they followed Meredith into the kitchen.

Meredith glanced over her shoulder, raising her left eyebrow. She pulled two glasses out of the cabinet and set them on the counter. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Seth shook his head and walked to the kitchen table. "No thanks," he said as he sat down.

"Okay," she nodded, forgetting the glasses and sitting at the other end of the table.

"How have you been?" he asked casually.

"I've been okay. What about you?"

"I've been getting better."

"Where did you go after you left?"

Seth sighed, his eyes darting from hers. "Everywhere," he said vaguely. His eyes met Meredith's – she wanted to know more. "I went to my parent's place for about a month. After that I stayed with people all over, Ohio, Missouri, Texas, California, Hawaii…"

"Hawaii?" she questioned.

"Yeah, remember Pete from twelfth grade chemistry? He lives out there."

"Wow," Meredith nodded. "And this took you a whole year?"

He nodded slowly, "I'm sorry Meredith."

She shook her head and looked away from him.

"Meredith, you know that I never meant to hurt you," he said softly. Meredith only glared back at him. "You know how people can make the biggest mistake ever? Well, I made that mistake ever and I would take it back in a second," he paused. "I love you, Meredith."

"No," she whispered.

Seth leaned forward a bit, "No?"

"You can't just say that and make it all better."

"I know that," he nodded and reached for her hand. Meredith pulled away. "I know I can't make it better, but Meredith…I came back for you, for us. You may never trust me again, I get that. But I'm just asking you to try." She looked over at him. "Just let me try to make this work again. I only want you."

Meredith stared absent-mindedly into the room. Her focus was lost. All the thoughts she had had over the last year moved through her mind. But the decision that Seth wanted her to make hung above all the rest. She shook her head and turned back to him. "Seth, a lot has changed…I'm not the same person I was a year ago."

He nodded, "I get that, I do.

"I don't think you do."

"Then explain it to me."

"Seth…" she whispered.

Seth shook his head, "Please, Meredith."

She nodded, "Fine. The night of graduation, a few weeks after you left, I took a guy home." She noticed Seth wince. "I found out a few weeks later, I was pregnant." Seth's eyes widened. "The baby was his – and I lost him after birth. He had a spinal deformity and died in the operating room. The man you saw me outside with, Derek, he's the father. We're sort of dating." She took a deep breath, "So there you have it."

"You…" Seth stuttered, "You had a baby?"

"Yes, a little boy," she said sadly.

"I'm so sorry, Meredith."

She shook her head. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I don't regret it."

"I meant I'm sorry you lost him."

"Me too," she whispered.

He reached forward and took her hand, grasping it firmly. "This doesn't change anything for me. I still love you – still want you. I'm sorry that you went through all of that. But you…" he smiled. "You have to decide if you think we're worth it – if our relationship is worth it."

"Seth…" she sighed.

He shook his head, "I know you still love me - Like I said, even if you don't forgive me, just try to give us a chance. I want you and no one else."

"I can't promise that," she responded.

"Does he mean anything to you?"

"Yes," she replied, knowing he was speaking about Derek.

Seth cocked his head to the side, "As much as I once meant to you?"

Meredith paused, not able to say a word.

He stood up and nodded. Seth leaned down and cupped her face in his hands. He pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. "That's what I thought," he whispered, his breath fanning across her face. "I'll call you soon," he smiled and walked out of the kitchen.

**---**

Meredith didn't know how she had arrived at Cristina's apartment alive - from the speeding, to the swerving around slow moving cars, to almost killing more than one pedestrian, she should have been dead. But she had no idea what to do, and Cristina was the one constant in her life. Cristina would tell her the truth.

Cristina was probably regretting giving Meredith a copy of the key to her apartment, because when Meredith burst through the door, Cristina was not in the most comfortable of situations. A man, who Meredith assumed was Dr. Burke - it's not like Cristina ever introduced her friends to her betrothed - sat beneath Cristina as she straddled him. Thankfully, she was still wearing a tank top and panties

"Seriously Mer?" Cristina hissed, not even moving from where she sat.

Meredith turned, "Uh, sorry…" she peeked back. "Cristina, I need to talk to you."

"I'm a little busy," she motioned to the man beneath her, a touch of shock on his face.

"Hi, I'm Meredith," she greeted, glancing back.

He smiled warmly, "Preston."

"Ugh," Cristina groaned, standing up from Preston. "Fine…but you only have five minutes - we're busy," she nodded to her fiancé. She leaned down and kissed him softly before standing up and following Meredith into the bedroom. "I really hate you. Do I interrupt you when you're about to get laid?"

Meredith flopped down on the bed, her purse falling between her legs.

Cristina walked to the closet, pulling a pair of black shorts from the dirty clothes pile and pulling them on. She took a seat next to Meredith and turned, raising her eyebrow. "Okay, you officially have four and a half minutes left…"

She shook her head, "Seth," she said bitterly.

"I think I may need a few more details. What about Seth?"

"He's back."

Cristina shook her head, "No…that can't be right."

Meredith laughed softly, "Unless the guy that came to my house today - right as I came home with Derek - was imaginary, I saw Seth. No, I talked to Seth."

"You talked to him?" Cristina said loudly. "Seth saw Derek? Derek saw Seth?"

"My life is fun, isn't it?" she groaned, lying back against the comforter.

Cristina also lay back, turning to her person. "What'd you talk about?"

Meredith shrugged, "Where he'd been…What he had been doing. He wants me back." she paused thoughtfully. "He says he loves me."

"Do you believe him?"

"I don't want to," she sighed. "I told him about Derek…"

"You told him…"

"…everything," Meredith finished her sentence.

Cristina nodded, "So the baby?"

She cleared her throat, "Yeah, he knows. He said he was sorry for the baby - well for everything, but he was sorry I lost him."

Cristina raised her eyebrow, turning to face the ceiling. Meredith closed her eyes, trying to wash the last hour away. Her past with Seth was extensive. For five years they had dated and never did Meredith think she would be with anyone but him. They did everything together until that night… She couldn't forget it. But the look on Cristina's face was telling her otherwise - telling her she should just forget it.

"What are you thinking?"

"You don't want to hear it," Cristina said, not meeting Meredith's gaze.

"Why do you think I came here? If I asked Izzie she'd freak out and want to see Seth right away - you know how much she liked him. And Alex and Seth were best friends…so he's no help. And George is never around anymore… I need the advice from you."

"I think you shouldn't be with either of them."

Meredith furrowed her brow, "What did Derek ever do?"

Cristina turned and shook her head, "Well for one he cheated on his wife."

"That has nothing to do with our relationship."

"Once a cheater, always a cheater," Cristina pointed out.

"So no Derek and no Seth?"

"Definitely no Derek and definitely no Seth."

Meredith sighed, "I should have asked George."

"Just my opinion," she shrugged, sitting up. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to have sex."

She laughed softly, "You do realize we're all going to have to meet Dr. Burke formally, and by formally I mean fully clothed and with you not on top of him."

Cristina waved her hand dismissively, "Izzie already called - he's coming to brunch next week."

Meredith nodded, "Good."

"Seriously Mer, think about all of this before you make any decisions, okay?"

"I will."

The women walked from the bedroom and back into the living room. Dr. Burke still sat where he had been before, this time he was folding some of the clothes strewn haphazardly on the floor. "Burke…I told you not to clean," Cristina groaned. He only shrugged in response.

"It was nice to meet you, Dr. Burke. I'll see you on Sunday."

"You too, Meredith. I'm looking forward to it," he responded politely.

"Oh, don't lie," Cristina rolled her eyes, flopping down next to him. "Call me, okay?"

Meredith smiled, "I will, thanks. Resume what you were doing," she smirked.

"Oh, we will…" Cristina laughed in return.

"Cristina…" Burke groaned in embarrassment.

Meredith opened the door and walked through, laughing softly at their playful banter.


	19. She‘s Got No Clue

**Thanks for the comments and support! xo**

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**Chapter Nineteen: She's Got No Clue **

Derek. Seth. Derek. Seth.

For two days most of Meredith's thoughts strayed to the two men in her life. Cristina had made the decision seem so easy - choose neither. But Meredith did not want to push both away and end up alone. The idea of being alone scared her. It would be easy to choose Seth. They knew everything about one another, had dated through the most awkward years of each other's lives, and they were each other's firsts in everything. Seth made sense, he always had. But he betrayed her trust. How was she supposed to see past that? But then there was Derek, who was devastatingly handsome and charming, but he too had betrayed trust - the trust of his former wife. And would it be hard to be with him when all she could think of was the son that lived for but a few hours? Maybe Cristina was right…

It was Saturday night and Meredith had passed on going out with George and Izzie. Cristina had also called and asked her to come over - just to get out of the house - but she passed. She was moping. Derek had said he'd called, and now, two days later, the phone had yet to ring. Seth had said he's be 'around', but she had yet to see him. She was moping - and drinking, by herself - and watching a Lifetime movie. Life as Meredith Grey had known it had gotten boring.

A swift few knocks on the glass of the front door immediately turned her attention away from the thrilling evening she had laid out. It was probably Seth - or maybe Derek, he had shown up unannounced before. Meredith pulled herself from the couch and walked to the foyer. The figure standing on the other side of the door didn't appear as tall as either of the men she had though - had hoped - it would be.

"Meredith?" the voice called through the door.

She sighed - Alex. Meredith pulled open the door. Alex seemed to be just as happy as Meredith was. She stepped back and allowed him to come in, shutting the door behind him. They ventured into the living room, Meredith curling back on the couch, and Alex flopping into an uncomfortable armchair.

"Aren't you supposed to be out with Izzie and George?" he questioned.

Meredith shook her head. "Aren't you supposed to be out with Izzie and George?"

Alex also shook his head. "Cristina told us that Seth's back."

"Yeah," she nodded, "He came back a couple days ago."

"He came by…"

Meredith raised her head quickly, "He did?"

Alex sighed, "He wanted to talk."

"About…?"

"You."

Meredith raised her eyebrow. Alex and Seth had been friends since Meredith had been friends with Alex, if not longer. When Seth left, Meredith knew Alex took it all a lot harder than he cared to share. But the fact that the two men talked about her threw her off.

"He wanted to know about Derek and… the baby."

"Oh…" she sighed. "What did you tell him?"

Alex shrugged, "That Derek was supposed to be a one night stand, but things happened and he's more now," he paused. "I also told him about how broken up you were when he left."

Meredith smiled softly, "Making him feel guilty?"

"Exactly."

"I'm sorry he came to see you. I didn't know he'd do that - really, I should have known."

Alex smiled, "Its okay. I just figured you should know I talked to him. Oh, and not that my opinion matters - because you know Seth and my friendship - but, he's a good guy. He did make a mistake, but he loves you."

"I know that."

"Okay, I should get going. You're okay here alone?"

Meredith nodded, "I'm okay."

Alex's omission was probably supposed to make her feel better - make her understand what she had to do in order to set things right. But in actuality, it left her more confused. Meredith had no clue.

**---**

By the time the phone finally rang the next morning, Meredith didn't even want to hear who was on the other end. Derek had promised to call and Seth said he'd be around, so if it was either of them, she was ready to curse them out. She had spent the entire night wallowing in her own self-pity and drinking - drinking very heavily. The Lifetime network was in serious need of new material, she figured out right before she passed out around one in the morning.

Now, the phone rang incessantly in her ear and she was ready to kill whoever was on the other end of it. Meredith rolled off the couch, banging her hand on the coffee table as she did so. She groaned, rubbing the pain away, before standing up and making her way to the offensive noise.

"What?" she grumbled as she picked it up.

"Uh…You asked me to call you. Am I in trouble?" the voice on the other end asked.

Meredith sighed softly, partially in relief. Even though she was angry beyond words that it had taken him three days to call, she couldn't pretend that the sound of Derek's voice wasn't the most soothing sound she'd heard in days. She composed herself though, not ready to let him off the hook so easily.

"Three days?" she questioned, accusation slipping into her voice.

Derek sighed softly; she could imagine him running his fingers through his hair. "I know. I should have called, but…" he paused for a long moment, "I wasn't really sure if you really wanted me to or not."

"When I told you I wanted you to call that was probably a good indication."

"I'm sorry," he tried from a new angle.

Meredith paused, wetting her lips. Her throat felt dry and her head was aching through and through. She knew he was sorry, but also knew she was partial to blame for the mess that was resonating around them. She sighed softly.

"No, you shouldn't be sorry. I should have called you."

Derek made a noise, as if he was about to speak, but she cut him off.

"Things the other day must have seemed weird for you. I didn't expect Seth to come back… Ever," she sighed, knowing that wasn't necessarily true. "But I should have called and told you what was happening."

"No, you didn't have to," he managed to say before Meredith could say anything else.

They both sat quietly for a few moments. Meredith could hear the sound of his gentle breathing and strained to hear it more closely. She smiled at herself, sort of shocked by her actions. But Meredith could tell Derek was not sitting so comfortably on the other side. She knew he had to wonder where they both stood - where their relationship stood.

"Is he…" Derek began, "…still in town?"

Meredith swallowed, "Yes."

"Oh."

"He wants me back," she mumbled.

"Oh."

She sighed, "Can you say more than just 'oh'?"

"Well…" he said carefully. "You should do what makes you happy."

"It's not that easy. Someone is going to be hurt."

Derek took a deep breath, a deep, almost painful breath. Meredith cringed in response. "You have a past with him, and even though he made a mistake, you can't forget that. Nothing…" his voice broke off. "No one should hold you and Seth back from being together."

"No one…?" Meredith whispered.

"I'm not going to step in your way towards happiness, Meredith."

She let out a shaky breath. "What if… What if you are my way towards happiness?"

Derek laughed bitterly into the phone, causing Meredith to cringe again. "You don't have to pretend for me, Meredith. We hardly know one another. Seth made you happy for five years before I ever came into the picture; who's to say he wouldn't make you happy for the rest of your lives together?"

"Is this really about Seth and I, or is this about you being scared to be with me?" she could feel her anger bubbling up inside. She hated that he so easily made her emotional.

"This has nothing to do with us," he said coolly. "I'm trying to show you there is no decision to make. You can't compare me and Seth."

"Fine," she said, matching his tone.

Derek sighed, "Meredith…"

"No," she stopped him, "I can see it all clearly now."

"I'm trying to do what's right, Meredith. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, I can," she spat, "I told you, I can see clearly now. If you'd excuse me, I need to go find Seth."

Meredith quickly hung up the phone and stomped back into the living room, fully intent on driving her car to wherever Seth may be and telling him of her decision. But as she reached the living room, she sat down onto the couch, her stare straight ahead of her. Derek was wrong. Seth didn't make her happy for five years. He did, but not anywhere near the level of happiness she had felt by just being in Derek's presence over the last few months. Even though things with Derek were confusing, how could she return to Seth after knowing the level of happiness she had felt with Derek?

She groaned, laying her head against her bent knees. Her level of maturity on the phone was painful to remember. Derek was trying to make things easier - not going about it the right way at all - but he was trying. Meredith rushed to her phone and picked it up, dialing his number. It rang three times before switching to voicemail - he had ignored her call. Meredith felt desperation rush through her and dialed again and again to no avail. She sighed and fell back into the couch.

Maybe he was letting her off nicely. Maybe he was the one who didn't want her. As realization kicked in, Meredith came to terms with the idea that, Derek had never really wanted her and maybe he was just trying to find a way to get rid of her nicely. Seth had been his way out and now, Derek could move on, just as he must have wanted Meredith to move on.


	20. I Am Barely Breathing

**Sorry for the delay -- I've been busy lately. This story is coming to an end. I sort of apologize for bringing Seth back in, and I say sort of because he was vitally important to Meredith and it had a huge impact on her when he left. I will try to get the next two updates up in the next couple of days and finish this story for you all. As always, thank you all for your wonderful comments. I am happy that most of the comments I have received are encouraging and provide helpful suggestions. Furthermore, I'm happy most of you understand this is fiction and that while these characters are not mine, they are my version. Must stop typing now, haha. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Twenty: I Am Barely Breathing**

"Hi Izzie," Meredith greeted with a slight smile.

Izzie smiled back warmly. She wiped her hands across her apron, leaving a trail of flour against the red, blue and yellow stripped pattern. "Hey guys, come on in," she stood back allowing Meredith and Seth to pass through the doorway and into the house for another Sunday brunch.

After the fateful conversation with Derek, Meredith had returned to Seth. She knew, maybe not now, but eventually that decision would have been the best for herself. Her friends had easily accepted Seth back, with some hell from Cristina, because as long as Meredith was sure of this and happy, they were. But she wasn't happy. Everything seemed off. Meredith felt as though the previous year was simply erased because she had picked Seth. She also found herself thinking of Derek more than she would have liked to admit. He hadn't tried to call her once in the past three months since their last phone call, and Meredith knew he wasn't going to. She just had to move on with her life…with Seth.

The house was full of voices. In the months since Seth returned, Dr. Preston Burke began to come to the brunches with Cristina, and George began bringing Callie, his girlfriend. The eight of them got along surprisingly well and it was as if brunch was a whole new event. Izzie also continued to go above and beyond what she should for such an event, making various salads, many different baked dishes and hot breakfast foods. They all enjoyed the weekly get together, especially with school about to commence again.

Seth took Meredith's hand as they walked into the kitchen and she slightly pulled away, which Seth was unaware of - or maybe pretended he was unaware of. As they entered the room, everyone greeted them loudly. Meredith pulled from Seth and grabbed a mimosa from the table. She greeted everyone before taking her seat next to Cristina.

"What's wrong?" Cristina whispered, glancing up at Seth who was chatting with Burke.

"Nothing," she shook her head, taking a large sip of her mimosa.

Cristina rolled her eyes, "Tell me."

Meredith took another deep sip of her drink. "Seth wants me to marry him."

"What?" Cristina yelled, pulling everyone's attention to her and Meredith. She looked up and shook her head. "We'll uh, be right back."

Cristina stood up and pulled Meredith from the room. Izzie was quickly behind them. The three of them stood in the living room. Izzie stared between the two women who didn't say a word. "Okay, what's going on?"

"Seth wants to marry her," Cristina said.

"What?"

Meredith shook her head. "He asked me last night if I would commit to him. I asked him what he meant, and he asked if I would marry him."

"And…what did you say?" Izzie asked.

"I said I'd think about it."

Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Hey, you're engaged and you don't want to be. I don't want to be you," Meredith grumbled.

"Thanks Mer."

Meredith shrugged.

"So, are you going to say yes?" Izzie whispered.

"I don't know."

"What about…?"

She shook her head, "He has nothing to do with this."

Seth took that moment to enter the room. "Meredith? Is everything okay?"

Meredith turned from her friends and nodded, "Yeah. Everything's fine."

Izzie and Cristina exited the room, both mumbling excuses. Meredith smiled weakly at Seth who had crossed the room and now stood before her. He cupped her cheek and smiled widely down at her. Meredith wanted to turn away because she could see the love he had for her in his eyes and it made her guilty, but she just continued to look up at him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked again.

"Yes Seth, I'm fine," she tried to say evenly.

"Did what we talk about last night bother you?"

She shook her head. "It just caught me off guard, that's all."

"What are you thinking…?"

"About what?"

He sighed, "About marrying me."

Meredith paused. "Seth, a lot has changed and I feel like we're not even in the same relationship we used to be in. I want us to get to know one another again before I say yes to you, okay?" she said in complete honesty.

Seth smiled and nodded, "That sounds good. I just want you to know I am fully committed to you. I love you."

"Thank you. We should go eat."

He nodded, leaning down to kiss her. Meredith turned her face slightly so he kissed her cheek instead of her lips. Seth pulled back and raised her eyebrow. Meredith simply smiled, took his hand to show him everything was okay and walked back into the dining room where everyone was beginning to sit.

Seth placed his hand on her knee as everyone settled in and food began to be passed across the table. Callie and Burke chatted about the hospital - Burke being the head of Cardio and Callie a first year intern. Everyone else listened happily since eventually they would all be doctors anyway - except Seth of course.

Meredith was immersed in the conversation as Alex spoke up.

"What's the most gruesome case you've ever seen?" Alex asked.

Burke smiled sadly. Meredith could already tell this story would not be happy in the end. "A train derailed outside of Seattle last year."

"I remember that!" Izzie chimed in.

"Me too," George nodded.

Cristina groaned, "Everyone remembers it."

Burke smiled to Cristina before continuing. "There were a lot of maimed and mutilated people who came in. But one case had a woman and a man connected to one another." He paused for dramatic effect. "They had a pole going right through one another and they were speaking and laughing as we brought them through the door."

"Seriously?" Alex asked, smiling.

"Yes, but unfortunately when myself and Dr. Shepherd…"

Everything stopped. Everyone except for Seth, Burke and Callie turned to Meredith. She tried not to look up, not to be shocked by hearing his name come from someone else's mouth. She cut slowly at her food, well aware that Izzie had turned to Alex and they were chatting quietly. When Meredith looked up and Cristina was staring at her. She simply shook her head.

"…and the woman ended up dying. Dr. Shepherd took it pretty hard." Burke finished.

Seth obviously noticed Meredith's stiff demeanor. He leaned into her. "Are you okay?"

Meredith swallowed and nodded. "Yes. It's just the story…I'm just a little upset."

"I'm sorry," he whispered in a soothing voice, but it didn't soothe her.

**---**

"You've been awfully quiet since we left Alex's place," Seth said, holding her hand as they walked back up to her house.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, I'm just thinking about that woman who died."

Seth pulled her to his side, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. "I know. It was sad. Are you sure you still want to be a doctor?"

She pulled away. "Why wouldn't I want to be one?"

He shrugged, walking slowly up the stairs. "Well, you just took it really hard that that woman died. I can't imagine what would happen if it was one of your patients."

She pulled her keys out and opened the door. "Well, it doesn't make a difference to you."

"Yes it does. I hate seeing you upset," he said softly, following her into the house.

Meredith sighed. "I'm going to go lay down."

Seth reached for her hand and pulled her back to him. He soothed his hands across her hair and down to her shoulders, tipping her face up. "Meredith, please don't be upset. I'm just looking out for you."

"Yeah, well you don't have to. I am fine. I need to lie down."

Meredith pulled away from him and ran up the stairs. But she didn't go into her bedroom that she shared with Seth; she walked directly to the nursery. This was the one room in the house Seth was not allowed to ever step foot in, not that he really wanted to. He had hounded her for the first month to sell everything, but to Meredith it was all too important. She never wanted to forget her little boy and the man that brought her that little boy.

She curled up into the rocking chair she had bought, pulling her knees to her chest. Meredith rocked back and forth, staring at all the things in the room. She could imagine her son playing with everything, touching the plush teddy bear in the corner, bouncing up and down in the baby bouncer, drinking from his bottle… Meredith gasped as tears fell from her eyes. Above all else she missed him…she missed Derek Shepherd.


	21. The Scene is Coming to an End

**I can't say it enough: your comments are incredible! Enjoy this chapter. The final chapter will be posted tomorrow. **

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**Chapter Twenty One: The Scene is Coming to an End**

"How about we go out to dinner?" Seth offered as he sat down on the couch next to Meredith who was curled up with a textbook. "We can make it a celebration - since you started school."

Meredith looked up from her book. It was only the first day of school and she already had one hundred pages of reading to do before class in two days. She sighed, marking the page and setting down the oppressively large text. "Seth…" she began hesitantly.

"Don't say no," he smirked. "It'll be a couple hours and then you can read all night."

She shook her head, smiling slightly. "Okay, I guess."

Seth jumped up, "Great! I'm going to go make reservations and shower. How about 28 Degrees, you like that place, right?"

Meredith smiled, "Sounds good."

Seth left the room whistling. Meredith cast the text aside, realizing she was not going to get any reading done until later in the evening. She lay back against the couch - she would go upstairs once Seth was done showering. Seth had been different in the last few weeks. He wanted to go out more and spend more time together - Meredith knew that it had to do with the engagement conversations a few weeks before.

She shook her head, pulled herself from the couch and climbed the stairs. The door to the nursery was partially open and Meredith reached in and closed it, unable to even glance in the room. Meredith walked into her bedroom that she shared with Seth. He was just stepping out of the shower, running a towel through his hair. He smiled at Meredith. "You should have joined me." He walked further into the room, naked.

Meredith shook her head while walking to her closet. "It would have taken too long - separate showers are better."

He walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, his nose pressed into her hair. "Yes, but I want you."

She raised her shoulders and shook her head. "Seth, I have to get ready."

"Mmm…not yet," he groaned.

Meredith pulled away, "Let me get ready. We can do that later," she cringed.

"Fine," he groaned again, kissing her neck.

She crossed the room and walked into the bathroom, firmly shutting the door.

**---**

28 Degrees was considered one of the best restaurants in Boston and Meredith had been there a few times with her friends. The restaurant was dark and intimate and was known for their extraordinary drinks. The fare mostly consisted of fresh fish and hearty beef dishes. Meredith loved the food, especially the desserts.

They sat in the middle of the room, much to Seth disdain. Meredith simply shook her head when he complained to the waiter about the seat - it was obvious that the entire restaurant was full and there was no chance of relocation. Meredith sat facing the bar, a colorful martini placed before her. The deep plum dress she wore fell softly across her body and she remembered the last time she had worn this dress.

"What are you thinking of getting?" Seth asked, glancing over the five star menu.

"I was thinking about the salmon, you?"

He shrugged, "I'm thinking the steak."

They sat silently, Meredith glancing along the bar and Seth reading the menu. The waiter approached their table. Seth ordered first, picking out a bottle of white wine, despite his knowledge that Meredith hated white, and a steak. Meredith ordered her meal and smiled politely to the waiter. She sipped the drink, trying to find a distraction. She tried to rack her brain with a comfortable topic, but it all fell short.

"So, I have some news," he said proudly.

Meredith smiled, "Good news I hope."

"Extremely good news. I was speaking with a representative for NASA today."

"Seriously?" she raised her eyebrow, impressed.

He nodded, "Yeah, and they are looking for another engineering intern to overlook the schematics and assembling of the 2010 space shuttle to be placed in Jupiter's orbit." The engineering talk always went over Meredith's head. "So, I spoke in depth to them and they would be willing to have me come down there, work on my Master's degree while working for them."

"Down there?" she asked.

Seth smiled. "Well, NASA is based in Washington, DC. So I'd have to move there."

Meredith leaned back in her chair. "Why would you moving to DC be good news?"

"We'll have a fresh start," he smiled. "You can enroll in American University. It's one of the best universities in the country, plus-"

"I'm not moving to Washington," she announced.

He cocked his head to the side, "But, I'm moving there."

She nodded, "Yes, but I'm not. Seth, I go to the best school in the country. I have friends here, I have…" she paused, thinking about him and then stopped herself. "I have a life here Seth."

"Is that really the reason you won't come down, because of school and friends?"

"That's a perfectly good reason."

He chuckled bitterly. "So what happens to us?"

"Seth…"

"No, seriously. Is this just a way for you to get away from me?"

"You are the one that is moving, so I'm pretty sure you would be the one that is trying to get out of this relationship," she remarked, venom in her voice.

"I'm not the one who had a relationship while I was away. Maybe you just want to go back to him," he whispered quietly but fiercely.

Meredith shook her head. "You have no right."

He shook his head, "I'm sorry," he was still angry. "But I honestly can't believe you wouldn't be willing to move with me. I love you and I want to have a life with you. We can't do this apart."

"Seth, I'm not moving to Washington, DC."

"So, what then? Are we going to break up?"

"I don't know," she shrugged.

He shook his head, "Great Meredith, perfect."

"What the fuck do you want me to do?" she whispered angrily.

"I want you to choose to be with me!" he yelled, turning the attention of everyone in the restaurant.

Meredith sunk down in her chair, feeling her cheeks heat. The restaurant became so quiet that anyone could have heard a pin drop, but no one moved. She bit back tears of embarrassment and sat up a bit straighter, finding her own pride. "You have no right to yell at me, especially in a restaurant," she said quietly.

Seth pushed back, standing up. "I don't care!" He continued to yell. "You have not committed yourself to me because you are so hung up on that guy that knocked you up." Luckily, he said this part more quietly. "I was willing to make this work, but you weren't. So, I'm moving to Washington and you can stay here with your friends and your school."

He stocked out of the restaurant. Meredith closed her eyes, knowing everyone was staring at her. After a few moments the waiter reappeared with their meals, setting Meredith's before her. She shook her head. "Can you please take it away?"

"Do you want it wrapped up ma'am?"

"No, please just take it away," she whispered.

Meredith sat for only a minute longer before standing up and walking towards the entrance. She wanted to look strong, like none of this effected her, but a single tear slipped from her green eyes and fell onto her dress, causing a dark spot. The doorman held the door open for her and she slipped out. A warm hand wrapped around her wrist, pulling her away from the wandering eyes.

She did not even look up and she knew it was him. He always smelled the same. Meredith pressed herself in deeper, allowing him to comfort her. She felt her body shaking but the smooth sound of his voice whispering for her to calm down made her feel better. Her hands grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as her emotions released.

Derek stroked her hair and back, closing his eyes as he took in the scent of her hair.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Meredith shook her head.

"He shouldn't have said any of that to you."

She whimpered, "H-how are you here?" she gasped between breaths.

"I was eating at a table near you."

Meredith pulled back, shaking her head. "You were on a date… I interrupted it."

Derek smiled softly, "I was eating with my sister."

"I have to go," she whispered.

"Don't," he held her wrist. "We should talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," she shook her head.

"Meredith…"

She pulled her wrist away and shook her head. "You told me to be with him. If you didn't…" she sighed. "It's okay Derek. I think that maybe I just need to be by myself. Maybe this was what was meant to happen."

"You can't mean that," he said softly.

"You didn't want me," she said sadly.

He shook his head. "I've always wanted you, since I met you."

"I have to go," she whispered, walking off.

"Meredith!" he called after her.

Meredith turned and shook her head, "Please."

* * *

**Bye, bye Seth.**


	22. In Your Afterglow

**Thank you, thank you, thank you for sticking with me through this fic and continuing to write the nicest comments! I hope you all enjoy the end. This update is quite long, but I'm sure none of you will mind ;) I used a song for this update: "Afterglow" by INXS. Enjoy!!!**

* * *

**Chapter: Twenty Two: In Your Afterglow**

Seth was gone.

**Here I am,  
Lost in the light of the moon,  
That comes through my window.**

Meredith lay in her bed. Her eyes were closed; her arms folded behind her head, palms up, as she rested against her pillows. The house was still, the room was still. It had been that way for three days now. Seth had moved out. She had sat and watched as he packed everything he owned, clothes, books, personal items, even some furniture he had brought, into the back of his truck. That day had been full of noises - boxes scraping across the floor, tape pulling along the brown packages to seal them, items dropped. Now, the house held an eerie silence.

"_I want you to have these," she said apprehensively. She wasn't nervous to give them to him, nor was she afraid to part with them, or him for that matter, but she wanted him to understand the gravity of these letters. His letters._

_Seth palmed the manila envelop, turning it in his hand and opening the edge. He pulled out the first letter, recognized the handwriting and slipped it back into the envelope, not even reading it. "I don't want these."_

"_They're yours."_

"_I wrote them for you."_

_She shook her head. "No, you wrote them for who I used to be. Please take them."_

"_Okay, Meredith."_

**Bathed in blue,  
The walls of my memory divides,  
The thorns from the roses.  
It's you and the roses.**

The moon was bright over Boston, shining across the Charles River. The water moved slowly, lapping against the river banks and shores. In the darkness, the city twinkled in movement. It was a Saturday night; groups of friends were meeting in bars, catching up and sharing stories over stiff drinks; young girls attended sleepovers while boys camped out behind their houses looking at the stars; mothers and father tucked their children into bed. And Meredith Grey lay in her bed, perfectly still, just waiting for the world to fall in around her.

Meredith had imagined her life at this point many times. She was twenty-three, starting medical school and preparing for a long career of saving other people's lives. She had imagined that Seth and she would be married by now; maybe living in an apartment in Boston. Maybe they would have a dog; maybe she would have learned how to cook. Or maybe, she would be pregnant with their child, despite her hesitancy to have children and her budding career.

Never in her years of laying in bed, her eyes focused on the ceiling and contemplating what the universe had in store for her, would she have imagined being twenty-three, having a deceased child torn from her arms, an ex-boyfriend moving to Washington, DC and an ex-lover moving on with his life. She was supposed to be undeniably happy. She envied those who were. Each of her friends was happy, in their own ways. Meredith needed happiness.

But when she closed her eyes, and imagined what made her happiest, she could only see his face.

**Touch me and I will follow,  
In your afterglow.  
Heal me from all this sorrow,  
As I let you go.  
I will find my way  
When I see your eyes,  
Now I'm living,  
In your afterglow.**

His touch had been different from Seth's. Maybe if she had known the touch of more than one man, it would not be so different, but when Derek Shepherd touched her, her mind fell away, the world fell away. Even when he touched her hand, or looked at her that way, the floor slipped for a moment and she was falling. His hands, so warm, so sure, had made everything go fuzzy. From a medical standpoint, she knew it was an impossible reaction; but from the standpoint of a woman smitten, it was wholly possible, and it had happened - more than once.

His lips had been firm, but lusciously soft and sweet tasting. The way the corner of his mouth turned up ever-so-slightly as he kissed down her body, holding the small of her back up in the air, made a chill run through her spine - even now as she lay alone. It was impossible to look that good just smiling, but he made it possible. His eyes would twinkle in amusement, but were dark in pleasure. His heart was steadily beating; she could feel it as her hands touched his chest; while hers raced.

How did he do this to her?**  
**

The doorbell rang, interrupting her fantasy; probably the last fantasy she would ever have of Derek Shepherd. She willed the oppressive noise to stop and the person behind the door to give up, but they didn't. The chiming of the bell rang through the house again and Meredith pushed herself from the comfort of her bed, of her fantasies. This better be worth it.

**  
Here I am,  
Lost in the ashes of time,  
But who wants tomorrow,  
In between,  
Longing to hold you again,  
I'm caught in your shadow.  
I'm losing control.  
**

He had never looked so sad, heart broken, beaten by the world; and he had never looked better to her. Derek stood like a statue, the only part of him moving were his eyes. He stared at her, overlooking her face, her body, before staring back into her eyes. His shirt stuck to his body, almost as if he had exercised in it. His hair was slightly dewy from the sprinkling of rain only a few moments before and his hands were clasped within themselves at his side.

Meredith wanted to reach out and push a curl away from his forehead, place it back where it belonged, but she kept her hands at her side. She couldn't help but stare at him, taking in every inch of his face. She had seen him only a few days before, but it felt like an eternity. Meredith swallowed deeply, reaching for words to break the silence, but her mind was a blank.

Derek stepped forward and Meredith stepped back as an automatic reaction. He stared deeper into her eyes. She shook her head. "What are you doing here?" Her voice was overly hoarse and she could hear her own nerves. She wanted to kick herself for sounding weak.

"I drank some," he said pathetically.

Meredith looked over his shoulder, gazing to the street. There were no other cars parked along the sidewalk or in her driveway beyond her own. "You walked here?" Derek only nodded. "From where?"

He smiled crookedly, "The place we met."

"Derek… That's miles away. Why didn't you take a cab?"

"I lost my wallet." He patted down the front of his pants, clearly showing how it was no longer in his clothes. "But I needed to talk to you."

She shook her head, "You're drunk."

"No I'm not," he said honestly. "I had one too many drinks. I'm tipsy, not drunk."

"Okay, fine. So you're not drunk. You should go home."

He shook his head, "We need to talk."

"I've said everything I wanted to say."

"But I haven't…"

**  
My mind drifts away,  
We only have today.  
**

Meredith paused. She knew they needed to have this conversation, but she never wanted to have it while Derek was slightly tipsy and slightly sweaty, practically begging her to talk to her. But she stepped aside, allowing him in. Meredith closed the door and followed him into the living room. He didn't make a move to sit; instead he turned, and faced the entryway before leaning back onto the easy chair. She paused before him, her arms crossed under her chest.

Derek looked tiredly up at her.

"Derek…what do you want to talk about?"

"When I was married to Addison, things were simple."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Perfect, you came over to tell me about your ex-wife."

"It was easy to come home to her, eat dinner, and spend time watching television or catching up on some reading and then turning in for the evening." He clearly didn't hear her or didn't care. "I could play the husband role easily with her. But then, things were boring. I didn't go out looking for you, or someone like you. I went out that night to feel better about myself - to make myself feel better in my own skin. But when you touched my arm I felt something. Every time I look at you I feel something."

He paused and looked up at her.

"In seven years of marriage, I never once felt that way for her. You're exceptional and I would be insane to let you slip away from me." He stood up and stepped towards her. This time, Meredith didn't move an inch.

"When we made love, it's like nothing else in the world mattered. Just when you touch me, it's like the world is slipping away. I'm not worthy of being with you, I know that. I'm an adulterer; I'm older than you, and we have a painful past…" The image of Derek holding her after she learned the truth about her son flashed through Meredith's mind. "…I may not be worthy, but it doesn't change the fact that I want you. I want all of you, Meredith."

She turned away, tears filling her eyes, clouding her vision.

"I'm in love with you. I'm desperately, painfully, and wonderfully in love you with Meredith Grey. I may not know your parent's names, or what you like to eat for breakfast, or what kind of books you read, but I know you and I love you."

Derek reached forward, cupping her warm cheek. A tear fell from her right eye, falling onto his fingers. "I love you."

**  
Touch me and I will follow,  
In your afterglow.  
Heal me from all this sorrow,  
As I let you go.  
I will find my way,  
I will sacrifice,  
'Til the blinding day,  
When I see your eyes.  
**

"How is it that simple?" she whispered, gazing up at him. "You can't just say things like that and make everything else disappear. You told me to choose Seth," she paused. "You told me that he would be the better option. He left me," she whimpered.

Meredith stepped back.

She wrapped her arms around herself. "I wanted you. I was going to pick you and you told me to pick someone else. I don't know if I can trust you."

Derek nodded. "I was trying to do what's best for you. It was irresponsible and foolish and I regret it Meredith, please believe me. I wanted you, I want you, but I was so afraid you would choose him and I couldn't stand that. I did what I thought was best."

"We had a son," she whispered.

He nodded again, slower this time. "I know. I know everything hurts inside you when you think about him. I know that because it's the same feeling I have when I think of him."

"I'm afraid to do this."

Derek stepped forward, his hands cupping her cheeks and raising her gaze to him. His blue eyes twinkled in hope. His lips formed a straight, pensive line. His thumbs moved over her skin and he sighed. "Do you love me?"

Meredith grasped his wrists, holding his hands to her face. "Yes."

"Then there is nothing to be afraid of," he smiled.

Derek leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

**  
Now I'm living,  
In your afterglow [in your afterglow].  
When the veils are gone,  
As I let you go,  
As I let you go.**

They moved slowly, precisely. Derek's hands moved from her cheeks to her neck, holding her gently. He could feel her heartbeat racing beneath her skin, pulsing underneath his thumb. His lips moved over hers, kissing her with more force and desperation than either of them knew he could. Meredith moved just as he did - her need for him the only thought in her mind. Her hands moved over his chest and down to the waist of his pants. She moaned into his mouth, her tongue moving over his, tasting him.

They moved towards the stairs. Meredith's fingers plucked away at each of his buttons, slowly loosening his shirt. She walked backwards, taking one step at a time. Derek's hands moved to her hips, pulling her closer so she leaned over him as they continued to kiss. Time had no meaning, breathing had no meaning, their existence in this moment, living and breathing, had no meaning. Meredith pulled back, tugging off her shirt and allowing it to fall to the floor. Derek gazed at her naked chest for a moment before moving to stand on the step with her, pressing her naked chest to his and kissing her deeply again.

Meredith pushed his shirt off of his arms and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing him deeper against her. Derek shivered under her touch, his hands seeking her upper thighs, lifting her feet from the ground, her legs wrapping around his back. In a matter of moments, Derek was rushing up the stairs, their lips still fused together as he found her bedroom.

The room glowed white under the pale moonlight that filtered through the shades, but neither of them noticed. Derek was watching Meredith as she tugged her shorts down and stood naked before him - and Meredith watched as Derek removed his own clothes. Their nerves caught up with them and both paused. Meredith felt like she was sixteen again, losing her virginity in the back of Seth's pick up truck - but this time, if things went poorly, she would lose so much more.

She would lose the love of her life.  
**  
Touch me and I will follow,  
In your afterglow.  
Heal me from all this sorrow,  
As I let you go.  
I will find my way  
I will sacrifice,  
Now I'm living,  
In your afterglow.**

Derek crossed the room in two steps, sweeping her into his firm arms. His lips met hers again in a wave of passion and he lowered them both to the bed. It was so simple to allow him to sweep her off of her feet and make her feel things she never thought she would. Meredith shivered as his hands explored her body. No…She needed a moment. She needed-

He pushed himself against her and Meredith gasped. She couldn't think, couldn't breath. She needed to tell him. It was now of never.

"Derek…" she whispered.

He smiled down at her, and pushed his way inside her.

"I need…" she gasped. "I need to tell you something."

Derek leaned down and kissed her. "What, what do you need to tell me?"

Meredith cupped his cheeks and smiled up at him. The room was nearly pitch black, besides the pale moonlight, but she could see the twinkle in his eyes. It was true, they did not know one another at all - she had no idea what his family was like, if he even had one, or what his favorite color was, or where he even lived - but none of it mattered. All the mattered was that she was sure.

"I love you," she said simply.

**Bathed in blue,  
The walls of my memory divides,  
The thorns from the roses.  
It's you who is closest.**

And that was it, they were done. There was nothing else to do but show each other the love they felt. Derek became one with Meredith and they both let out a gasp. "I love you, too." Was the last thing Meredith heard said before she slipped away in passion.

* * *


End file.
